I am going to spill a little secret about this blog. I have a webtracker installed on it that helps me track the number of visitors each day. It's useful for things like click-ad marketing and click-through counts. But for me, the most telling bit of information it provides is the search words each visitor uses when he or she finds this blog. Hands down, the number one phrase used in searches that land visitors here is some variant of "Divorced dad, misses my kids". There is no hurt on this earth like the broken heart of a dad who is feeling his fatherhood being sucked from his soul by the slow grind of visitation. Even the word is an affront. "Visitation" That's the term they use for the exact hours you may see a dead person in a coffin at a funeral home and pay your respects to the family. More appropriately, that's the term they use when you go see a prisoner...visitation. You get "X" number of minutes on "X" days each week. That's when you're allowed...permitted...to see your children. There is nothing on this earth that drains the very soul from a father like visitation.
Now about that webtracker...
First of all, guys relax...I can't see who you are. I don't know your name and in many cases I can't even tell what town you are in. I simply know you as an IP address. But I see the pain in your heart.
You want to know how bad it hurts to miss your children when you are a divorced dad? Here is an idea...most of these searches occur in the wee hours. Between 10pm and 4AM. You want to know how bad a dad can hurt...imagine being sleepless and so desperate for some sort of comfort that you type "I'm a divorced dad and I miss my children" in the search bar on Google just to see if anyone is out there who can help you.
That is pain.
Those of you who don't know first-hand what a divorce does to the heart of a dad...you should read some of these search phrases sometime.
Please pray for this blog as I aim it in a slightly new direction and as I become more active with it. It's needed and there are desperate, broken hearts out there who need what this blog brings them. Please pray for me to have wisdom, to hear clearly from God so that I can bring the comfort of His word to these guys. please pray for the new venture "DadMatters" that starts this Sunday night on Blogtalk radio. Maybe we can begin seeing a few dads healed and that will enable them to become even better dads and whole men again. Maybe if we accomplish that, we can break the chain of divorce in their families forever.
To the searchers who find this site from the depths of a broken heart...
I know...I've been there. I've cried those tears in the wolf hour when you wished for peace but only found turmoil. I've seen myself in the mirror and only saw a broken heart looking back. There is hope. Just up ahead, another weary traveler in this dark valley dug you a well as he journeyed through. You need to stop and take a long cool drink. You're going to make it.
** Urgent MESSAGE:
I have decided to resume broadcast of the Divorced Dad's Radio show. I did this for two years and stopped a while ago. But I can see the necessity of resuming this and giving dads an outlet for this pain we all feel. I will post details soon. PLEASE leave me a comment in the comment box if you are interested in this show.
Craig
344 comments:
1 – 200 of 344 Newer› Newest»This was awesomw. I am a Mother who's son is divorced with 3 children. And even though 10 years have gone by scence their divorce ws final she still causes trouble. She never stops. She is the type of woman that takes anything and blowes it out of control, files motion to suspend visitation etc etc. Never stops. She gets her child support and some. Health insurence paid etc. But back to court she drags the family, She uses the children, she uses anything. Now I understand the phrase DEAD BEAT DADS. Damed if yu do .Damed if you don't. And the snow ball effect is huge and costly. How and what is a Father suppose to do.
Dear Anonymous,
This is not an uncommon story. I would simply advise your son to document EVERYTHING. This isn't about being nice anymore it's strictly business. I can't offer legal advice and I won't try. But he needs to consult a GREAT attorney...not just a good one he can afford. The main point of my blog and my radio show is to help with the REST of it. To help him be the man he dreams of being despite these frequent attacks. I hope you'll refer him to this blog and to the radio show DadMatters. The link is on the page. Thanks
......I don't even know what to say. You just discribed......well me. I'm sitting up at 5 in the more and hurting so bad from not seeing my son that I can't do anything but lie here and hope that some how the crying puts me to sleep. I have never been much of a veterans but I just can't seem to atop most nights when I lie in bed. You hit the nail tight on the head when you said that you just want them in the house. I couldn't agree more, I just want my son to come running in here and sneak under the covers on my sise of the bed and go back to sleep like he did every night since he was born. I miss him terribly and desperately need him back.
You have described evrything I have gone through in the 4 years since my seperation. Not a moment goes past when I dont miss my kids with all my heart.
i am going through a divorce i did not want and fought as hard as i could to keep my children from a broken home, missing my boys is a nightmare, they were my life lost and dont know where to turn.
You can always turn here my friend.
how can i get over the loss of time i will miss with them? I dont know how a parent can willfully walk away from a child.
I don't think I can handle anymore after 5 year's of loosing everything I have ever worked for and to see my child's future destroyed financially and mine to not a cent after 5 years of fighting for my child, \i\I lost my home of 1/2 million my savings and a 6 figure business when I was the main parent.................... the lawyers and judges let this go on and on for 5 years now when I was a wonderful dad to my child and all of a sudden my x walks out and I now have to pay courts costs up to my ears to be the dad \i was before she left........... THIS IS THE JUDGES WHO ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN............. Please someone body help me cause the pain is taking a serious toll on me missing my child............... I am in bad shape and the stress of the emptiness is killing me more and more......I am finding it harder to hold on...... \i can't believe my 2 lawyers can clean me out of hundred of thousands of my hard worked life's hard work and clean me out in just days and they just walk of......... and leave you empty with not a cent......... I am feeling that I have to go to the judge and have it out and if that what is takes I have to because they are leaving me in no other way to take it in my own hands with that lady judge..........they the lawyers just can't take all your money and quit and say good bye........... Please people some one help me ...... losing a child id that painful I can not put in into words. They now put money in front of me so I can't bring in an application for my child. so I now have no way to fight to my concerns . I never owed a cent in my life and now I am in dept to thousands of court cost on top od spending over 1/2 million in just custody court cost just with my lawyers. THIS IS WRONG for the judges to allow this to happen............. the lawyers surly can just take all your money and then quit when he has the pile of hard earned money and quit when he takes it all........... Please some hear me,,,,,,,,,They the courts even charged me court cost when I had the court orders and so when she broke it I HAD to go back to court and when I did they charged me again and a again and I was the one with the court order.............HELP me someone please.................. I have every recording even a the lady judge told my lawyer the my x admitted forgery on government documents the judge said it was OK and told my lawyer to get off it and leave it alone and my lawyer said it was serious cause she stole thousands of dollars from the government forging my name on them. My lawyer then told the judge that you couldn't write a TV script for this divorce...........I was the main parent also and not one weekend to this 5 years long to connect with my child........ HELP ME please, somebody...........lawyers and judges can not allow this to happen when we have a 50/50 parent law................... I am desperate.............Please I can not keep feeling this empty as I am missing her desperately........... I have a take recording with the staff Sargent telling me REAL MEN do not file ABUSE I HAVE this on tape with witnesses around. and they bully me from filing the physical abuse from my x and finally she ran me over and still they will not let me file this dangerous charges...... some one help look into this case.............PLEASE.......... I AM MISSING my child and it seems every door is closed..........no court should put court cost in front of a parent fighting for his child.........they closed the door on me because they seen the truth coming out................ please some look into this case....I am reaching out before I have to take my own rights into my own hands........... I have the commission for public safety looking into the RCMP now but I need someone to look into why these JUDGES allow this to go on......when we have laws..............HELP ME somebody please.............
Anonymous,
PLEASE...talk to someone. Find a friend or a counselor. I am doing the show tonight...call in and talk to me! You are hurting and it's taking it's toll. I wish there was something I could do. I know this might sound empty at a time like this, but turn to GOD! He knows your hurt and he feels this pain and He has the only real answer. I'm here for you...
Here's the underlying truth: We can't expect a peaceful world when the exchange of desperately needed information is blocked, that's just another form of warfare; We can't expect a peaceful world when those who advocate for the rights of women, do so in a way that is hateful and disrespectful of the human dignity of men, by denying children the right to have a meaningful relationship with their fathers.al
Unfortunatley in this country men are presummed to be abusive monsters from the get go. 50/50 custody should be presumtive starting point. Not a unabtainable goal. I gave up on 50/50 after 15 thousand and two months with the lawyer. Watched my friend spend 65,not to take the kids, just get equal time nd money. He lost,.. Wed and every second weekend.
Not only am I limited on the time with my boys, I can't afford to take them to dinner when I have them, while my x takes trips to Italy and Maui and Florida in one year. I'm broke with no end in site. But what hurts,.. is not putting them to bed every night, snuggling on the couch watching funniest videos and sharing a laugh about each day. (She never did it) I get to do it certain days, but it's not the same. It's been two years almost, and it still hurts like it did the first week when your alone. You only get used to it,it doesn't hurt your heart any less. Then the boyfriend moves in and takes your kids places you can't afford to go, like splash parks, wonderland and trips to Florida. I am being replaced slowly but surely. If there is comfort in numbers, there are THOUSANDS of us. I was a super Dad, gave every minute and ounce of energy to the kids, from homework to bike rides. She was never around. Doesn't matter my friend, it just doesn't matter. Keep your sense of humour, you're gonna need it.
Hiya,
Great blog,
Visitation - how true, it should be treasured moments,between this hour until this hour!
In aus we say "it is what it is"
However it is not what it isn't also!
Yeah I miss my kids, yeah my ex uses them as power,
And yeah it's painfull . You worry, but, to see them is all that matters,Facebook,Skype, gives my kids the ability to communicate with me without their mum knowing!
I know it's not the same, but try it guys,
I read somewhere ,one night I couldn't sleep,
" there is no perfect life, there is only life,
Sometimes we will have perfect moments in life,
DO Not Confuse The Two!"
Live for those moments with your kids!
It sucks Missing them I know,
And going to theme parks etc ,yeah cool,but even cooler is getting where your kids are at,theme parks don't do that, you do!
Give them your time,
Just as that crappy word visitation,
Good luck guys
Hi Craig, Hi guys,
Yes , be strong guys, check out Craig's song,
Made my day,
Extremely hard walking past my son and daughters room's,
Occasionally I feel physically ill looking in there,
So I've gone and got all new decor, different sheets etc and a repaint, and given old stuff to my ex,
This small thing changed a lot,
Now it doesn't remind them or me of old times, it's more of a fresh start ,
And it kept me busy and the children got involved in colours etc,and they had an input!
It kept me busy for w-end's I didn't have them,showed them I was thinking about them,worked on many levels.
It was our little project,
Wasn't expensive,showed court I was involved in child's life,
But ,still big hole on those sunday afternoon drop-off's,
You struggle from lunch till drop-off to keep yourself together,
All you guys know that feeling!
I had to move beyond ,blaming,shaming,putting up mirror's to each other, before I got to this point,
I had Wednesday afternoon visitation also, but couldn't face work some Thursdays!!,
Don't do that ,it makes it worse!!!
Good luck guys an d god bless
Please keep this blog alive. After ten years of pouring my heart and soul into a marriage who gave me a boy of 8 years of age my ex filed for divorce.its been 2 years since we parted our own ways. and it seems to be that sunday nights are the hardest. I tried to stay in the house as much as I could despite that the marriage was more than over just to be with him but she filed for me to be removed. now I live over 3000km away in another continent and get to see him via Skype. indeed good guys do finish last.
I came across your site by typing the exact words you mentioned. I'm a divorced father of a young girl who I adore more than anything in this world. I am lucky to have 50/50 time but I fought hard and emptied my savings and 401K for this right. I still am torn apart because I feel like I'm missing out on so much. I know I shouldn't be complaining because some fathers don't have this 50/50 split. Nobody knows the pain I have about my divorce and breaking up of my family. I just don't know what to do...
hi,just had lovely weekend with my kids, we played in the woods sung songs next too the camp fire and paddled on the lake.
both kids are under 10 and this afternoon their mum picked them up.
i see them every two weeks for a weekend.
I love them so much and when they drive away and they disapear out of site i cry, I miss them so bad .
I have a new partner and a beautiful baby boy and because i have moved on the ex punishes me by
this short time with my darling children. I divorced her not my children !.
the law in the UK is cruel to dads
but one day my kids will be young adults and then they can make their own minds up.
Stay strong everyone and love your kids because they need dad as much as we need them.
Love to you all and remember theirs no shame in crying
ive never hurt more than just the simple thought of not seeing my kids. my wife and i are just splitting up and not seeing them is the cruelest thing to a man ever. Just like all the other writers here it seems to be the little things like the kids jumping in bed with you or that surprise cuddle or kiss and even the excitment in their eyes when they see you come home from work. Now all gone. And further more its the now added baggage onto them cause now they have a divorce to deal with. Ive been around for a long time and lost friends and colleagues over the years but it all pails in comparison to not seeing my 2 kids everyday, nothing hurfs me more, nothing at all
I was in a bad place, mentally, before finding your blog. This entry specifically was the first one i came across. I think simply reading that others are dealing with the same heartbreak that I am, and continue to manage to find the strength to carry on and do everything they can to thrive has given me the strength to do the same. Thank you.
God Bless all of the fathers on this site. I just recently seperated from my wife after a week from a disagreement and ongoing issues that has been consistent throughout our marriage pretty much very little in common, and lack of being a supportive wife. My daughter is 12 and my son is 7. For twelve years since the birth of my daughter i have supported my family with the only income I don't make 6 figures I'm just a Route Driver with a decent salary but as you know in today's economy it really takes two incomes. Not only was this a strain financially but years of disagreements and stress I've developed an autoimmune disease. It got so bad that I decided to take a break and visit my mom for a week only to call her to check on her and the kids when she has come to the realization she needs stability! Really... I believe things happen for a reason, I do believe divorce was inevitable but still living without seeing my daughter become a teenager and seeing my son daily is never the less painful, and to make me feel even worse I wasn't a involved father because I was always at work trying to provide STABILITY.... That is what hurt and I can't even get that time back I really feel like I've been robbed.
Guys, you are not alone in this world. I am from Slovenia, Europe.. and reading your experiences, feelings and sorrows: I see.. it's the same all over the world. I have two daughters, 5 and 3 years old. Whenever I drive them back to my ex, they cry and cry, older one.. she tries to find all sorts of games we play around the car or on a parking place.. just to keep me there for an hour or two longer. I am trying to be cheerful, laughing and everything.. but then when I go home, I have to stop on a gas station, have a coffee and 5 cigarettes.. just to calm down. I get so emotional that tears just pour and pour. It is a devastating experience, I know. But.. don't give up guys.. know that you are not alone in this. We are fighting the same battle, all over the world. Just hold on..hold on.. and try to be good. Someday, children can decide and if you are good, they will decide to live with you. Just don't give up!!! Sasha
I hurt so bad for my youngest son age 7. He wont tell me how he feels, but I know his Mother says mean things to him about me. His Mother is terrible with several boyfriends and she does not take care of my son like I do. I was the primary caregiver as a stay at home Dad. My lawyers took every cent they could. When the passed the bar they gave up their souls. My (2) oldest are with me and I get my youngest 1 night one week and 3 the next. Why cant I get 50/50. My Judge was miserable. She did not believe that a man should be the primary residential and primary caregiver of a child (Oh really). I do have joint custody, but its for major life decisions. I am so close to my son I here his thoughs, know every word he is going to say and know when how he feels just by looking at him. I cry alot, becuase I miss him and I am deathly afraid that when he is not with me he not getting the proper attention and care. Dear GOD please watch over my baby as I could not lve a day without him. My 2 cents is to have a prenup before getting married so you dont have to pay alimony and stay as long as you can with your wife until the child can make up his own mind on who he/she wants to be with. Finally, dont live in New Jersey. Please dont live in this backwards pre conceived state. GOD Bless and hang in their gentlemen.
I don't know what is harder, missing my two kids or knowing that they miss me more than any child should miss anyone. I never knew this kind of pain when i was a child and i feel like i failed them. They should not have to want for their father and i stayed with an unfaithful women so they would not have to. But she left me and took everything.
I miss my little Buddy every minute he is not with me I cry so much he is my everything but I only see him 5 days out of a month. Im still fighting in court custudy im A dead beat in my xs eyes
Not a day goes past when all I can think about is my 4 year old son who has just started school and guess what I wasn't told the date he started so I could go see him there on his first day.
Until you go through not seeing your children you won't ever understand what it is like as I keep telling my parents.
The pain off not being there and looking out for them, ,watching them grow up will never ever go away and thats the hardest thing.
Dads who want to do the right thing become like you say just a visitor, you can always try to start a new life but like I say the pain never goes away. EVER.
I am one of the lucky ones to have a 50/50 with someone who always say leave and take your son with you then took me to court when I did just that. It hurts. I am used to my morning hugs and I don't have them with he is not with me. At times like now the tears comes out of nowhere and I can't stop them from falling. I am missing him so much right now. Judge refused to hear his wish. I just wish the pain could go away.
Was nice to read this thread.I miss my kids so much it hurts all the time.From when i get up in the morning till i go to bed at night,i think about them and wishing i could turn back time to when we were together.the ex moved someone else in after about 3 months (been about 9 months since split up).Dont want to get up in the mornings,had last week off work cause felt so low,went to the doctors who signed me off work and prescribed me anti depressants which i darn't take as i'm scared how i'd feel if i came off them.It's my daughters 13th bday tomorrow and it kills me i,m not there at her party,it feels like the new bloke has taken my place and she looks at him as her new dad.it hurts so much.I miss when she used to shout for me to tuck her in at night..I'm living in digs,so they cant come and stay at night.Cant afford to get my own place as still paying mortgage and bills.When i talked about selling the house the ex just shouted about leaving the kids without a home then son text to say how could i kick them out into some shithole and he wouldn't talk to me again.What am i to do...HELP.Desperate...
My life has been ruined by my divorce. I lost everything but the only thing I can't deal with is being deliberately targeted for separation from my children. I wish I could say it gets better but it doesn't.
You know this has been really helpful today with Christmas tomorrow. My divorce has been 13 years and so many things have happened that I can't begin to tell you. There wouldn't be enough time to describe how it has impacted my life to my children and now my grandchildren. But thank you! I can say that I have some how survived the many death attempts! Merry Christmas to all and a good day!!
Hey guys, another heart broken dad here. Only I'm now going through this twice. My first sons mother and I split up 10 years ago. Those first few years were some of the most painful of my entire life. It almost killed me. My son begging me to stay longer, not to take him back, etc. Now here I am with another woman who'd rather give up our family than simply hold herself accountable for things she does wrong, and we have the sweetest and most beautiful 5 yr old. He loves me so much, and is going to be so broken hearted when this split is final. As will I, I dont know how or if I'll be strong enough to go through this again but I'm so sad to report that I'm about to find out...
No loving father should feel the things we're all feeling. No loving and devoted father deserves this much pain. Its cliche to say, but life is so unfair.....especially if you're a dad on the receiving end of a break up.
Hi,
I broke up 5 years ago with a son off 5 it was very bad, but I done my best not to fight the mum as she left me for another man.
I pay her money every week and have my son every weekend, its like paying to see my son haha.
Lucky the courts have not be involved, and I find I have to put
up with so much shit from his mum , but I bite my lip and smile just for my sons sake.
It seems I have to suffer but I think its better I suffer than my son.
The longer I see him the harder it is to take back, this is my second break up now with a son hard to belive.
Not sure if i have any good advice here, but the harder you fight the worst it seems to get I would say try to be nice to the mum, which is very hard when they have cheated you!!.
But it could be worst and i am seeing my son thats what I tell my self to feel better, I cannot go back to the past as my son is growing so would never be the same again.
So I make the best of what i have.
Got forced to leave family home yesterday. Took my 4 year old girl with me and 6 year old son was so upset he wouldnt come but didnt want me to leave and was sobbing uncontollably.
Picked them both up from school but just had to give them back, i have never known pain like this is unreal i just cannot stop thinking of them.
I have just separated from my wife and she has taken the 2 children (son 6yo and daughter 2yo) away to Reunion island in the Indian Ocean. I am an IT consultant in the UK. I realize I will never have a normal life with my kids again. I am devastated. I can't even go into their rooms. I find their toys around the house and I almost cry. I miss them so much. I don't know how to go on. But thank you for this blog.
Same story here only been split up with my ex for 6 months and she is getting harder to deal with not easier. Im lucky compared to some of these stories im reading I see my 3 year old twin daughters 4-5 days a week. Lucky for me I guess that the mother likes her freetime and partying more than the girls but I'm always worried sick about them and miss them soooo much when there not here. There's been alot of drama coming from her and I confronted her. Now im scared she wont bring them back this week. I've been praying that their safe and I will see them again soon. There all I have and I wish there mother cared half as much about them all she does is complain that she never wanted kids . Wish me luck guys cause im going to try to get custody..... I feel for all of u and keep u in my prayers.
Where do I begin.....My wife had papers drawn up without me knowing.... We talked for weeks about but tried like hell for my two boys (4 and 2). Their mom called me on the way to work and said lets get a divorce and tried to sell me on the pluses... This was four months ago and in that time I have moved out quit my job to get my life in order and spend as much time to win her over to be with my two boys who I love so dearly and miss... As of last monday took on a new job and was told to not come over any more due to my work schedule interferes with the boys sleep schedule....She made me leave lastnight with my oldest crying asking me to stay and my exwife cursing him and slapping him to go back to his room as I was leaving... I warned her to stop but she told me to F off and leave... Now I am unable to have unscheduled visitations.. Which I had worked so hard to earn with her... Now with my new job I am unable to spend as much time and energy to make happen.... I go to work defeated and unable to perform like I was able to do with my previous employer.... I just don`t know what to do at this point???? I am lost and defeated and miss my two boys like no other...I turn to God but then I become weak and loose hope when I should be turning to him even more now than ever... Please give me advise on what actions I should take next??? Anyone???
I am a recently divorced father of three GREAT kids, a 17year old boy (who is aCancer/ Leukemia survivor)and twin 15year old girls. Well...today Tues 1/14/14 is the first day I am separated from them. The pain and sorrow are something NO parent should ever have to bear. The only other time I have felt this way is when my son was diagnosed with cancer. I found this blog by searching for divorced dads crying because they miss thier kids...I can see I am not alone in sadness. To compound matters I am moving very far away from my former home as I cannot remotely afford to live close to my kids and pay child support and ...you know...live/survive. Divorce sucks...it rips families apart and only enriches the lawyers.
To the owner of this blog you have my heartfelt thanks...being apart from my children is turning into one of the hardest things ive had to do in life but this blog lets me know I am not alone...thank you again.
Hi crying as i write this split up with my boys mom 8 months ago.there 7 and 4.she said she didnt love me anymore.ive had terrible time.ive lost both my parents but never felt pain like this.see them every other weekend and and a few hrs each night every other week.found out through my eldest my x was seeing someone else 2 months after we split.she blamed him for telling me and didnt talk to him for 3 days.ive had suicidal thoughts but kept going for kids.was in better place(gym helped)but found out theyv just had long weekend away on hol and im at rock bottom again.trying to stay strong.
Been separated over a year, divorce process started 2 months ago. I have 3 great kids 12,10,7. They adore me. I have been respectful in my requests to see them more often, but she refuses overnights on school nights. The kids want this and I have a work schedule that allows this a couple times a week. She knows I am a great father that can meet all of their needs, but I am convinced she is limiting the time as much as she can so when we get to time division she can show a history of much more time with her. All I can do is document when I am being denied. It is very painful, I do not cry or reach for medications, I keep busy and am productive, but when being really honest with myself I know I am in really deep pain. I will not get this time back and the kids are living through a divorce and I as a great Dad am spending my young great fathering days alone. Instead of spending nice days doing family activities we take turns with the kids with her one weekend and me the next. I am doing what I can to not let the divorce process get out of control, but I am sensing that she will be very difficult and angry should I dispute anything she wants and asks for. I have felt her wants and requests to be over the top and excessive so now I am slowly starting to feel the behavioral impacts from her by trying to cut me off in a calm, collective, but strategic way. I am keeping my head and pride up and walking the walk. It is important that our children look back and see strength, courage and love from Daddy.
I lay awake here in Adelaide Australia at 3:30am reading this blog missing my 17 month old baby boy. His 'mother' had an affair with a mutual 'friend' who was a known serial predator of friend's partners. This all started after my son was only 3 months old. Her excuse after I found out was that "someone else would want me" even though we were engaged to be married. I swallowed my pride for my boys as I also have a 6 year old to my ex wife also to make it work for them as I too come from a broken family. After 3 months I also found out she aborted our unborn child then asked me to move out to give us space to fix things, i reluctantly agreed. After a further 3 months she stopped all intimacy and started being cold. I pleaded with her not to ruin the boys lives but she wanted her single life back as she was getting a pention, maintenance, work wage etc. All while I was struggling to pay all my expenses by myself and pay for her bills also. Devastated I carried on getting only 10 hrs scattered per week with my baby boy, then she wanted to take some of those few hours I had regardless of me or his younger brother. I begged her after all she done to me and the boy's to allowed my youngest the same time as I have with my eldest so the boys could be together but refused. One night I had my two boys I got a knock at my door, it was a guy who delivered me court docs for proceedings the following day without warning. I went to the hearing and the female judge ordered my son be handed straight to his 'mother' even though I told the court I could prove her unfit, commiting purgery and proof of her lies against me. The female judge said I only get 2 hours of 'supervised' visits with my son every weekend on a sat until the next heaing on the 4th of April. So in tears they took my baby boy away even after his 'mother' had an affair, abortion, kicked me and my 6 year old out of our home and now haven't seen or spoken to him for a month! I've pleaded with her to let the boys see each other but refuses. I've lost my home, my money, friend's, family, love and now my baby boy because of her infidelity and an unjust law system. It appears if you have a vagina you can do no wrong regardless of your horrific actions. And in turn are given everything! I clutch my boys favourite teddies every night in tears missing them more than anything. My friend has started a facebook page called The Broken Promise. A Page For Abused Father's. In time we are preparing a petition on there to be forwarded to the Australian Federal Government to have these unjust, malicious laws ammended and then hopefully spread it world wide to give all heartbroken father's a voice to be heard. How many loving and lonely father's must the world loose to suicide as a resulting of having his children taken from him by an unjust system before we take a stand as one to say enough is enough! It certainly is NOT a "man's world". Only divorced or seperated dad's can know this. These laws need to amended NOW to give loving father's who have already suffered enough EQUAL rights to their kids. They are ours to & our kid's need us just as much as they do their 'mothers'. My kids are my world and miss them terribly, so empty without them and struggle to face the world daily. It is time us father's stood as one voice globally and stepped out of the darkness and pain to reclaim both ours and our children's dignity and rights to have an EQUAL relationship!! PLEASE like the facebook page I've mentioned, we have to start somewhere. I read all your stories and my tears flow with you all... Enough is enough!!
Well, I can say that I know the pain. I use to get my kids on the weekends but it stopped. She says I cant see them until the divorce is finalize. I have apps that I use to talk with my son and my daughter is able to call me on her cell. But not being able to hug and hold them hurts. I haven't seen them in about 3 months now. Everyday it gets worse and worse. Its like a feeling of loneliness. I try to fight back tears but sometimes I have to let them flow. I never thought I could hurt so bad.
Im going through the same pain as everyone else is here. Except Ive got 4 months left living with my 6 year old son and 9 year old daughter then that hateful woman I dont know anymore is moving them 4 hours away from me! The days are turning into hours and the hours r turning into seconds! Of course she threatans me with little visitation time and all the other mean crap Im sure every Dad here has to put uupp with! Sometimes I have to hide at work because I cant handle the pain of losing them and holding back the tears is impossiable...come June 27th the they leave will be the hardest and saddest day of my life! So like all of the other Dads here my heart and tears go out to you! Remember June 27 2014......Another Dad's heart will break and tears will flow and thanks to our laws there is nothing I can do about it. To Tanner and Maddy......Im really going to miss you guys.....love Dad.
I too am a dad that is going through a divorce. Unfortunately a I have to live with this hate filled woman for 3 more months til my kids finish school. Then she is taking them 4 hours away from me.Sometimes at night I cry myself to sleep thinking about losing my darling daughter (9) and my little buddy (6). The atmosphere here is very mean and hateful on her part...calling me names in front of the kids, threatening me with no visitation, I think its the hate that bothers me the most. This is taking a toll on me and the kids especially my daughter! Sometimes my daughter says things to me about tthe move that makes my eyes water!..Last week she gave me a picture so I wouldnt forget her..very heart wrenching. Im losing my job in June, probably my house and most of all my kids! Looking forward to summer is very hard knowing after child support,marital debt and other bills will make it very hard to see my kids! Plus knowing that my ex is gonna make it very difficult for me! The lonliness is taking its toll on me everytime I think about it and they havnt left yet! Thks for listening pour my heart out........good luck to all the dads like me in the world.....on June 29th 2014 another Dad (me) will be lying on a floor in an empty house crying like a baby trying to pick up all the pieces of a broken heart and wonder.....what are my 2 angels doing now.
I know exactly how all these Dad's feel, and what they are experiencing.
Without seeing this coming, my wife wanted out of our 3.5 year marriage, and I miss our 2 year old daughter and one year old son so much. There is a third party, and its my mother in law. She lost her husband (my wife's Dad) six weeks before my wife left, and I seriously think my Father in Law's death, along with raising two little children, has taken its toll on my now estranged wife. My mother in law is doing all she can to stop any reconciliation from happening, because if it did, it would mean she is alone, after losing her husband, and that my wife and I, and our children would be a family again.
I have tried so hard everyday since this happened in August 2013, to stop my wife from making these crazy mistakes, but the more I try, the more she's determined to dig her heels in.
I see my kids every Wednesday, and every second weekend, but its just not enough.
We built our dream home in 2011, and now all those dreams of raising our family in that home are gone - smashed forever.
I now live in a small unit, all alone,away from my kids, and with no family or friend support whatsoever. This is without doubt my darkest time.
This sucks. I miss my kids " my world"
After 3 years of seeing my kids only on weekends, the pain and guilt that I feel from not being able to be there full time like a parent should is killing me. Unless you experience it then you cannot explain to somebody the feeling of emptiness and loneliness felt through the week until every Friday, when I can pick my kids up and be with them. Sunday evening comes so fast and I'm taking them back again. It's wasn't my decision to split up my family but even knowing that, I still suffer from a terrible feeling of guilt and loss. My kids are going to grow up and wonder why they didn't have a normal family.
I want to live for him but I see even the future with her family involved that I will not be invited to baptisms or even a wedding if they can get away with it. I have thousands of dollars involved in the costs of my bible collection that sometimes I read and sometimes I just buy more like David Jerimiah for $100.00 Some are worth $2,500 and will be collector's items in the future. My son and I both have one, although his is put up for now. I just want to close my eyes and wake up in Heaven with Jesus. I hated being suicidal and do not wan to go to hell. I belive both are literal places. I could go on and on but please pray for Gregory and my son Cole and that God will save me from this torment. I am so sorry to hear that so many others go through the same things I am. If you pull up the list the 10 worst things a person can experience, 8 of those items I am going through right now all at one time. I do not see how people loose a child to death and keep on going like my grandfather whom I named my son after, because I can not figure out how to get out of my situations. Satan has done this to us all because he hates the family. WHY GOD, WHY? I ask everyday and He says just TRUST ME! I pray for everyone on this site and all those going through the pain of divorce and loosing your child. God bless you in Christ and thanks for your prayers!
My first question when I meet someone is do you believe you will go to hell or Heaven if you commit suicide? It's all I think of and people shoot back you have to think of you son. His future is a bright one financially and he has a lot of talents. I have taught him to paint on canvas at the age of six and he is pretty good. Some look better than my own. Well telling me to think about him and things will get better they always do, does not help the pain go away. God does not answer the question. Some famous preachers believe suicide is a straight trip to hell and others including Charles Stanley, Billy Graham (Aunt killed herself) and Rick Warren the preacher that wrote the best selling Christian book after the bible, lost his son to suicide and they all state God WILL FORGIVE a Christian that commits suicide because they do not know what they are really doing or have too much on them. The bible states God can and will get you through anything. I am on so many prescriptions I am afraid I may do it not even knowing what I am doing. I told my mom when I run out of money, that's it. I dead. I have sought to make things better as much as possible and I do not see a future here. I am scared of living and scared of dying. What will it do to my son except rip his little heart completely out. My wife earns about $75,000 a year, much under the table (just like daddy does!) Last month I made $176.00 on eBay and they take up to 50% of this in fees. I have thought about calling the cops and caring out suicide by cop. How would that affect them? I do not really care for them but I do not want to destroy their life because I was too chicken to pull the trigger on my GLOCK filled with hollow tip points
My problem, yes problem... is I still love the woman. the woman that took my precious daughter from me, the women that accused me of cheating when I wasn't, the women who always complained about how unhappy she was while I was working 2 jobs to put her through nursing school, and and sacrificed my dreams so she could succeed. Yes I still love her. but I'm not taking her back, or stopping the divorce process. even tho' I'm broken both finacilaly and emotionally. Just trying to figure out how to get over this pain. Not having my baby girl, and still missing this woman who never appreciated me. I Pray to God to take this hurt, anger, and pain away daily.
Are there resources for children who are trying to comfort their parents who may be getting divorced?
Scotty, I assume you are referring to adult children? Because no minor children should have that burden.
I would try Focus on the Family
My 12yr son went to see his mom in Texas over spring break and never came back. It's like being married for 12yrs and one day they are gone. Riley I want you to know that I miss you and I'm sorry if I was part of the reason that you wanted to stay and not come home.
Anonymous,
I am so sorry. I hear the hurt, brother. I can't offer you any comfort except I am praying for you.
I've read and absorbed all of the above comments and it's made me cry on a train back from work. I sit here, typing on a train full of London commuters, with tears in my eyes. The pain of separation from a wife you loved is one thing...but to lose such regular contact with one's children is mind-blowingly hard; devastating in the extreme. I've started a new job as I've been coerced/bullied by my ex to increasingly financially support my 2 gorgeous children, boy and girl aged 5 and 3. I know I need to do this, but at what expense? They don't get to see their Daddy, but twice a month...
...I'm going to stop now as I will merely sound like I'm moaning and I don't want to. I did however, want to share...
...I'm a man of faith, but my faith is being tried by the enemy. Please offer me up in your prayers; ask Him to hold me there for as long as possible; forever. I'm so broken and I need mending, to be the best Dad I can in the precious moments I only now get with my most beloved children. As I finish, I will offer each and every one of you equally precious Dads up in prayer too...believers or not, you all deserve praying for.
Take care and God bless.
Scott...please know that I am praying right now and will have others do it as well.
Don't quit! I'm here if you need me!
Craig
Like others have said, I'm writing this through tears after reading people's entries - I too feel your pain. I split from my wife of 11 years and two gorgeous children 3 years ago. I have a hard time accepting that it's over between us and although I see my children every weekend, miss them horrifically. I'm extremely grateful of the time I get with my kids, every weeks and more if I want - I'm so lucky!! It still hurts more than ever when I take them home though and Sunday nights are getting harder not easier. If only my ex valued me as much as I value her and my kids �� I've had enough of feeling like this and am going to try to let my ex go in the hope my pain eases with regard to missing my family, I doubt that will happen though!
Hi,
I am divorced about 3 weeks. I am the father who had to move out six months ago. I miss my kids boys 12 and 15 so much I have to hold back the tears because I am in public. Men are supposed to get over their emotions easy.
I feel for all who write here. I am hoping there is some sort of plan for my life after this. I pray that all who visit this site have some relief that maybe their pain is temporary and they will get thru this.
Thanks
G Kleiner
There is a plan, my friend. It takes time...unfortunately it takes a lot of time. Hang in there. You are still the dad!
This was sad but eye opening. I am a divorced mother, and I am shocked at how many women keep their kids from their fathers like it is some kind of game. My kids go to their dads whenever they want to period. Not because I love an uncertain schedule or want a break - because that is their father, and they need him too. I would never in a million years date another man that didn't encourage that and understand that the kids needs come first, and far before our comfort or childish desire to win a situation. Just because a marriage doesn't work does not mean your ex is not a human being, ladies. How would you feel kept away from your kids? How would you feel if you were in an empty home wondering if your kids missed or needed you? Any self respecting mother will sacrifice for her kids - that includes sacrificing your a little pride, time, and convenience to allow your children to have a dad. If they grow up missing that, feeling divided, feeling harmed, will you still feel like a winner? The better parent?
Thank you!
I am a divorced mother who lets her kids see their dad whenever they choose. But it wasn't until recently when my boyfriend who is going through a divorce starting withdrawing emotionally and I saw another side to the custody battle. It coincided with the time his sons spring hockey season ended (one of the natural times he spent with him going to and from practice to being a coach on the ice) to the same day having a court custody conciliation. It was during this conciliation that I think the reality of not seeing his kids everyday finally hit him. some facts, they did not set a rigid schedule, it is flexible as the children are 14 and 11. Dad and mom agreed that they did not want their schedules to be interrupted. and to be honest, that is how it has been since they separated. Up until that time, he was actually coping quite well, spending as much time as he could with them. That conciliation was two weeks and ago and he has just sort of checked out of our relationship. He says he still loves me and wants to be with me but that he has to reign in his thoughts and emotions right now because of how badly he misses his children (all of the sudden). Now he cries when he drops them off at their moms, sits with me distant and disconnected. I want so badly to help but I know that he has to figure out this on his own. I know that missing your children never goes away but over time, do we figure out how to cope with those feelings? Any guidance as to what we as significant others can do or what support or words of encouragement that we can provide would be much appreciated. My heart is broken not only for my love, but for all the parents out there that feel this way.
I know you are a man of GOD Craig and would thank him first for giving you the heart to do this and rightfully so but I just want to say from all the shattered Fathers and ex Husbands out here thank you sincerely my friend!...God bless you and your family
I am a divorced mother of two kids and my heart breaks for each and every dad who feels this hurt from missing their children. I am living with a man who is in the process of finalizing his divorce. He has two children as well, 14 yr old girl and 11 yr old boy. We live together as of mid-may. Since he left the marital residence at beginning of this year, he seems to have dealt with missing his kids quite well. However, at the beginning of June, he had a child custody conciliation, whereby they determined that a flexible schedule would work best for their kids. His son pays ice hockey and coincidentally, the last spring practice was on that same day as conciliation. Hockey practices and traveling for tournaments was a natural way for he and his son to spend time together. Since that conciliation and even shortly beforehand (I think stress of the looming conciliation..) My boyfriend has become distant and disconnected from me. He tells me that he misses his kids so much, he is having all these thoughts about every decision he has made, etc. He and his ex- wife to be had no relationship, common denominator was the kids. He knows that the divorce was best for long run. He says that he still loves me and wants to spend his life with me, but his terms of endearment and affections have all but disappeared. My heart is breaking for him and I do not know what to do or say. Its hard not to take all this personally, but I am trying to just let him know that I am here, waiting for him to deal with all that he is feeling. I think the conciliation and the end of hockey and living 45 minutes away all hit him at once and now he is almost grieving the loss in some manner. I have provided suggestions to him as to how he can spend time with his son, that just because hockey ended, that does not mean he cannot spend time with him. As I said, he was rather accepting of the 3-4 days a week that he was seeing his son (the daughter is closer to the mom and is still blaming dad since he wanted the divorce, which mom did that damage)until the past few weeks around time of conciliation. Can anyone provide advice to me as to how I can help him or comfort him?
I am am separated and divorce will happen. I never knew such love or such pain could happen together.I adore my daughters, 9 and 12. I have since they were born. My wife, myself, and my girls have an incredibly close family bond. I made sure of this, as I did not have this growing up.
I have been trying to figure out how there can be so much love and this is still happening. No one can understand the pain a father feels 8unless having been in our shoes. Our lives were good. Lot of love, good business, homes in the city and the country, friends, all should be ok. My wife did get spoiled, I let it get in the way of our family. For this I can never forgive myself. The love for my daughters was (and is) so strong I promised I would never let anything
Change our lives like it has. I have failed at that and cannot forgive myself. I wake up with such pain. My daughters are happy because there still is that bond between all 4 of us. Thing is, my wife and I love each other. Life became too complicated. Tried to handle it the best I could , which was not good enough. All the while I told myself I cannot fail my daughters. Wanted and needed my marriage to get better. I never have cried. It is what I do when I wake up and go to sleep. I can see my daughters when I want, but with my schedule, business, life it will never be enough. how do you go from waking them up every morning, putting them to sleep every night, and being so involved to not? Finances have drastically changed. This has taken another toll on top of everything. My wife has been able to pick up the slack thank god. But what was important in the past means nothing to not seeing my girls every day. I hear
Life gets better and everyone adjusts , but I do not know how I will be able to. Finding this website has shown me I am not as crazy as I thought. Most do not or cannot understand this pain and this hole in your heart when you miss your children. There were other complications along the way with my wife. I never took my children for granted, maybe my marriage. I am the one of all people that fell apart and have to rebuild my life. I have to for my kids. The pain of not seeing them ss before just does not leave. I sometimes think I don't want it to because if I do, I will somehow become ok with it. Which is probably better foor all but not for me right now. There is a lot more to my story, and I have been told by close friends and siblings that would not have been able to handle what I have. All I think about is my girls, how I have affected their lives forever. This pain hss not left me. I keep trying.
Anonymous...
Divorce does not have to happen. There is hope. You sound like a guy who has truly seen the important things. If you'll email me at craigd2599@gmail we can talk further. I'm praying for you.
Craig
I have been separated for about 3 months now. About to start divorce proceedings this week. Just before separation we lost our 6 month old daughter who was born premature. the weekend she died her mother gave up on us and left us alone at hospital. she died in my arms in a hospital ward full of women. Since then i couldnt live live with my wife anymore and i left. but now she refuses to let me see my 3 year old son (whom i adore). I've had my flaws as a husband but i have always put my kids first. Its tearing me apart not seeing him. i dont even think i have the energy to go through these court proceedings. i just want to see my son....
I'm a single Dad and I had to bring my boy up on my own since he was six weeks old..he is now seven yrs old and he is amazing, but I did manage to begin a new relationship some years ago and we had a child. I thought we were going to be a family unit but when he was seven months old she moved away, saying it was temporary for work.... She never came back and refuses to give me an address...I just know it's hundred of miles away but not an exact location... he will be four at xmas and I haven't seen him since. I have spoke to him once on the phone... he said football... but that's it..no pictures so I no lnger know what he looks like or where he lives... I don't have money for court... I just physically haven't got it and legal aid is no longer available in the uk... It breaks my heart when his older brother, who has already lost his Mum, has now lost his brother and I'm powerless to do anything... she did agree to a contact centre but I had to pay for it... Which I did... and then she went back on it... I just feel useless and when my boys in bed just sometimes break down cos I really have no idea what to do...
I don't know what to say really, I am just another guy in the same boat. My wife announced a few months ago she didn't love me anymore and that she wants to separate. To be fair she has stated she really wants me to be part of his life. There are a few things that need to be sorted and then I will be moving out. My little lad (6) doesn't even know yet and the thought of telling him is breaking my heart. Most of the time I am ok, but then suddenly I hit a low and just break down. I am stressing about how it is going to damage our relationship, or how it is going to affect his birthday and Christmas. My wife says it’s for the best, but I am really struggling to see it at the moment. I just wanted a quiet, family life and to bring up my son. It just feels like all my hopes, dreams and hard work has just been taken away. He’s my best friend, I love him so much and I just want him to be ok.
I know what you are going through. That is me.
Thank you for putting this up. I was sitting at my desk eating lunch and just typed in "I miss my kids" and this was the first thing that came up. You described me perfectly, I don't even look in the mirror anymore unless the kids are in the same house because the man that looks back is not me. I'm not even divorced, just seperated and have 3 hours of driving time between them and me but I can already feel the crushing reality that sometime soon I'll have to explain to them daddy dosen't actually live with them. They say misery loves company but really just having a place to voice our pain to people who understand could help.
Its my daughters birthday this week. She will be 17. I always said I would teach her to drive, help her find a car.
I haven't seen her for a year now. I didn't see her brother on his birthday. Or my youngest son on his birthday. Fathers day went without a single message. Christmas was not shared. A summer holiday hasn't happened. My heart is breaking. I am divorced and some people have made it impossible for me to see my children. I look in the mirror and see dead eyes looking back. So many moments pass every day where I miss them. The dull ache is always there. And the saddest bit? They have no idea how I feel.
No one can understand if they haven't experienced this pain. I have no strength left to hide the pain. How does one not drown?
Hi, same story here, I get divorced 3 years ago, I have 3 kids, the oldest is now 18... and every morning when I wake up, first thing in my mind are my kids, every single day... I try to see them everyday, at least I can take them to school every morning, but since I am with another woman, their mother has made all the best for them to hate my new couple, they don't want to be with her, they don't want to be at my place, so I have to take them to the mall or to dinner when I'm with them... Probably she will move back to Mexico, where all we came from, but I have my work at US and won't be able to see them ... that's really killing me, I even has considered to leave everything and try to go back with my ex, just to be with the kids... but that won't fix anything that was broken... Thanks for this blog, I really like it, and I can see I am not the only one that suffers on silence... thanks and keep posting
I am 3 years past my divorce. I see my daughter every other week for a week at a time, and pay child support, but not an unbearable sum, thanks to working things out with a parenting agreement..
I can attest that there are times where it doesn't hurt as much. I watched my ex go out with her new boyfriend before I could move out of the marital home.. Once moved, it was all of 3 months before she moved him in. Sixteen years together, 9 married, and a daughter... and some old boyfriend from long ago can walk in and assume the role.
I have realized that a life with her would have been miserable, just as it was, and Mr. Lilly can have his fill of the sickness that is her way... I am free.
I... AM.. FREE... from her, from her lack of love, from her lies and deception. I may not have much left, but remaining with her would have been less..
But guys, I hurt too about it. I think a lot of it is realizing what is left of your life after investing so much with someone else in mind, a family in mind.. and then,, ,its just YOU again.. and whatever time you get with the kid/kids.
Been separated almost 5 years. Tried to do everything amicably for the first 4 and when my ex found her new love interest everything changed. She wanted the "new family" not to include me and tried to completely destroy me financially. When i finally "woke up" and did something about it by filing for divorce and going after my rights as a dad, she showed my son the divorce papers and he has not spoken to me in 7 months. No my little girl is starting to follow in the same footsteps. I am at a loss for what to do. Seems like everything i try is used against me or only separates me more from my kids. I pay child support, I try to increase visits now with my daughter but i am growing angrier and angrier with my ex at how she has managed to alienate me and my children. I have been a great dad to my kids and as much as i could not live with my ex anymore, it feels like i've had to divorce my kids too. Nothing makes sense anymore. I'm dammed if i do and dammed if i don't. Everyone keeps saying that as kids get older and mature they find their way back to you but the fact is that i will have missed years and years of their lives and right now someone else is in that house with them on a daily basis experiencing everything that i am missing. I love my kids more than anything and would do anything for them. I don't talk bad about their mom, don't give them details about the divorce, anything to keep them happy and this his hurting me in the end as their mom does the opposite and i am the bad guy. Yes, like everyone else here, it is between 10pm and 4am...can't sleep...can't think straight...missing my kids like crazy...wondering if i've lost them forever...no clue how to move forward...
It hurts like hell to be without my daughters, but it hurts as much or more to see them once in a while. When they visit, I have to hear about everything I've missed, which makes me sad, and sometimes I hear about the crap their mother has been up to, which makes me ill. I feel trapped between two sources of constant pain, and I just want it to stop. Suicidal. Thinking maybe I should just walk away and start over in a whole new place. Let the kids come find me when they're grown and explain to them that I had to choose to live for them or die in pain, so I chose life. Help?
Wounded1
PLEASE think about this some more! You can't leave your kids fatherless man! I know it hurts. I KNOW! Email me at craigd2599@gmail.com I'll talk to you. Call someone. Find someone to talk to. But you can't end it, bro. Those girls need you and they'd be stigmatized forever
I have strong will thank God it hurts like hell not to b able to see your loved ones but we have to keep on going after all its not the children's fault that we brake up they feel the pain just like we do holding on is what we all need to achieve even knowing it's hard to do so when our children become of age they will want to come and see there father children are by no means stupid I find it hard to carry on get up all I seem to do is sleep but think one day they will need there daddy so stay strong people should not use children as pawns I cooked each day for my 4 girls did homework with them and most of all was there as a father she has now moved away taking the girls and has told the police I neglected them this is far from true there my life I just hope and pray I get threw all this then 1 day they will realise just how much daddy misses them thank you so much for this blog all it takes sometimes is a nice person to hold out there hand so ty so much you talk a lot of sense daz
I don't know if posting on this page will help me at all, but I am in the process of separation right now with my wife. Through poor communication with each other mainly, and my dealings with depression the past few years(that she doesn't understand/believe no matter who tries to explain), my wife has finally given up on me. Unfortunately I am the proud father of a 6yr old daughter and 3yr old son who are my absolute world. My only reason for living. Right now at 10pm while they are sleeping in their rooms, I am down here uncontrollably crying my eyes out thinking and wondering how the hell I am going to be able to live without them..my wife says she is more than willing to go 50/50, but I leave for work at 4:30am and don't get home till 5-5:30 and there is no way for me to get them to daycare or pick them up in time...so what I'm looking at is weekend visits...maybe every second weekend...not to mention the financial situation we're in...I can deal with losing everything, house, cars, any and every stupid material thing. But my kids...My biggest fear before having kids was not being able to be with them as they grow. I come from a broken home, my father left when I was 5, leaving my mom raising me and my older sister. I'm 38 and it still pisses me off, still hurts me. That's what I didn't want with my children, for my children...but now, beyond my control that's what's coming for me...now my head hurts again from crying and I'm emotionally drained...I do my best to not show it to my kids. God forbid they have to go through the same bull that I did...It hurts so much...and now I'm crying again...
Brother I am with you in your pain. My heart and prayers go out to you and your children. I am moved by your honesty and I am glad you are reaching out. Please remember to be gentle with yourself. No blame and no guilt and no shame. You are still the father and no one, no divorce or court ruling will take that away from you. Do not give up on your son and daughter. Remember you are vital to their lives and to their development. Peace. I will pray for you and your family.
My wife left on 14/05/13,along with my son who was 3yrs then. She said she is visiting her parents but she never returned. I tried to contact her but she wouldn't respond. she has completely cut me off from my son.
I haven't spoken to my son or seen him since 14/05/13 and it hurts so much. All the gifts and cards I sent to him have been returned and now she has filed for divorce and alimony. She has robbed (literally stolen from me)me of not only money but has implemented me and my folks in false cases.But the worst thing is that she has cut me off from my son. Every night I dream of him and I miss him insanely. I cant concentrate on work and constantly think of his sweet smile and innocent talks. I don't know what to do anymore. Court proceedings are painfully slow and I am losing my calm.
I am a Mum. I miss my children with all my heart. I would do anything to reconcile with my husband but he won't speak to me. Every time I try to speak with him, he shuts me out. This tactic is power over me so we will never reconcile.
It is hurting everyone, even my husband. He has created false beliefs that will keep us apart.
I am a mom, but like so many of you, no longer see my kids. I was married for 17 years, and divorced 2 1/2 years ago. I was a hands-on stay at home mom, and my teenage kids no longer want to see me. I will admit, I cheated on my ex for about 2 months at the end. Im not saying im proud of it, but he even admits, our marriage was in trouble, and it didnt end because of my mistakes. It ended because we both failed. But all he tells the kids is that i cheated, which is not information they need to know. My ex physically abused me - once - but once is enough. I would never share that with my kids because theyre KIDS! So one of them wants nothing to do with me, and the other sees me when she wants something, basically. I havent seen my son in over a year due to parental alieation. My ex used to say in the beginning "thats what happens when you get divorced." It hurts every day, and its been 2 1/2 years. I have finally decided i need to take care of me, and am going back to school to make a life for myself. But its not easy. Most of our friends took sides - and not mine. Even my mom sees him and not me! But I pray that God helps to heal all of our hearts - including my ex. Thanks for listening.
Hello there,
Don't know how to start,
It's 11 pm here. I cannot sleep, ddon't have appetite. My baby isn't here. Couldn't see him for 2 months, will not be able to see him before 1-2 yrs...! Yes 1-2 years, he's in another country with his mom,
See how lucky you're? You can see your child once every week/month or even at every court hearing, right? I cannot :)
Cannot do anything about it. Helpless but iI've faith in my Lord,
Lived love with my baby since he was born, came running from work to hug him, feed him and take photos of him :)
Once recorded his innocent llaugh when i copied his first words on my video, dark room but i can hear him llaughin, then i cry :)
Stay well everyone, yyou're great because you love your children and care for them, other parents they move on with a new partner and they don't look back.
Thank you for reading,
Thank brothers and sisters for posting all this. To the mothers who sympathize: you have the most beautiful hearts. You are such a blessing. To the guy who said he would off himself: don't do it man. I have felt the same. Push through to a brighter day! The tears were a waterfall down my face as I read everyone's pain, the same as my pain and worse. I've only just been separated from my 6month old bright happy beautiful son. he is worth more to me than every last cent on earth, every moment with him is like the newest best moment of my life. But he is separated from me and now my life is imploding. One stupid petty argument and she goes mental and attacks me. The police arrest her for domestic abuse and now SHE and her cruel mother are the ones who get my son. I have motivation and willpower to win him in the end. My only consolation through this nauseating pain is that he wont remember this messed up time. But I'm afraid I'm going to miss his first words and miss his first crawling and his first steps. My father left us and I swore my children would have me for every day of their lives. Now she is trying to take that away all because she doesn't like me. How selfish and wicked. How hateful to your own flesh and blood to cut a child off from his daddy who loves him more than anything, more than she could. And I've seen her slap her kids from her previous marriage and say she hates them. I'm not religious but somehow I do believe in the power of prayer, as backward as that sounds. Pray for me brothers and sisters. Pray for our children and that these wicked people will stop tormenting the lives of their children and their children's fathers for selfish reasons.
It's 11.53 PM here in Australia and I stumbled across this page after google searching "Losing kids through divorce". it's been nearly 7 years since the redefinition of my relationship with my ex-wife also redefined my relationship with my four kids whom I love and adore. They've drifted away, largely because of all the lies and half truths that they've been told and the shunning gives me no recourse or right of reply. I miss them. And although I've remarried and have another beautiful son, I still grieve losing them. That was never supposed to be part of the deal. Sometimes that loss is almost too deep to carry.
My wife and I have been married for 9 years. Since then I've lost both my parents, my brother won't contact me I don't even have any family in this country. I was laid off from 3 jobs.I started my own company only to be screwed over by my partner. But I was blessed with my 2 beautiful daughters. When my company failed my wife and I started having problems. Bills piling up and I couldn't find any work so I went to school. 3 days before graduation she said I need to go. I wasn't the best husband but I tried am still am trying to repair what we had. My girls are all I have and my not being able to be there for them is killing me. They don't know yet that I'm moving out and I don't know how to tell them.
I won'the be tucking them in at night, reading to them and just being there for them when they call for dad. Can't sleep thinking about it. I need them as much as they need a father. My wife (for now) says that I can see them whenever I want but it's those small things I won't be able to do anymore. I have to leave as soon as I find a place.
I'm not sure how I will handle it.
Don't know what to do.
Ralf...
NEVER EVER move out. Most courts view this as abandonment! Stay and fight for your family! Please feel free to contact me if you need to craigd2599@gmail.com
I am separated for 4 months now I am a man I should be stronger but I keep crying for hours will I ever be able to live happily ever again I always loved my wife and daughter but I feel I am alone in this hole world like a broken kite from the thread and after this all women and society always blame men for fail relations.
Please pray for my self I want to get over it.
A father and an exhusband
2.5 years of hell. 2.5 years she put her hands on me until ahe did it in front of my son.. he is only 6 months old.. Dv charges followed. With her getting arrested her mother sped away with my son. Its Been a week since i have seen my little man. But it seems like an eternity.. my sons mother is now claiming im not really his father.. we got dna bit she claims she ordered a false paper from the internet . I was able to get a an expidited custody hearing for december 18th.. lets pray to god that i get to see him for his first Xmas.
He is my lifeline. This pain is unreal it definitely outshadows any physical pain or anything i have been through.. Good dads have no rights...
Anonymous...PLEASE follow up and tell me how this worked out! Praying for you and your boy
I am a father of a 9 yr. Old beautiful girl. My ex wife and I divorced 2 yrs ago. I have since notbeen allowed to see her since. My ex wife has told untruths about me to the court...and my daughter saying I cannot see her. It's been 1 1/2 yrs. I write my ex asking to see my daughter, but get no response. I send child support every week. I cannot afford a lawyer to take her to court. Just don't know what to do. I MISS MY BABY GIRL!
Been separated for a year. Have a beautiful ( 13 ), and a stepson ( 17 ). The pain of not seeing them is literally a pain that kills over time. This pain will never, ever go away. I am clinically depressed, arthritis , giving me chronic pain. I turned to alcohol in my last two years of marriage. Worked two jobs, sacrificed all I could, ended up with nothing. Have not seen my kids in a year. Ex wife has full custody, I am unable to work. This pain is worse than the pain I endured in foster care. Nobody deserves this mind of pain. It's a death sentence for loving your family. Now I drink once in awhile to cope, it's really hard to wake up empty, going to bed empty daily, nightly. No real friends, family, money. Nothing at all. I have to really seek God, because this is the only chance I will stay alive. I never left my family, and I always thought a marriage was for better or for worse. Boy was I fooled. I never abused my wife, never cheated, just worked, worked, and worked until I literally broke. Then became broken again thanks to separation. I also have panic attacks. Getting older, this pain will surely due me in. Fact is most people do not even understand my pain. Feeling alone, tired, all done in. I love my family, but cannot shake my depression off. Had it for years, with panic attacks, now it's worse than ever, even with medication. Men can die with broken hearts. The constant aching pain in the heart, with anxiety, sorrow, tears daily surely takes its toll. I will never be whole again.
Another heartbroken father here. Mother took my now 4 year old boy who I know adores me all over the country. In total - 6 moves. Spent £15,000 in court hearings where the mother lied, distorted and exaggerated matters. Eventually gave up as it became quite apparent she didn't want me to see him, assisted by her legal aid solicitors who were just in it to make money out of my misery and the disgrace that CAFFCASS are. I live my life now unable to move on with a constant empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. I joined Fathers for Justice and was amazed at the cross section of fathers suffering similar pain. Why some mothers do it to their former partners hurting their children in the process is beyond me.
Some mothers are just pure evil. If the law was changed such that loving Dads did not have to pay maintenance to mothers who don't let them see their children, most would fall into line. Family law in the UK is a joke.
Hi John (Johnandhiskids) and all you dads out there, missing your kids. I do not have friends who can understand my situation and my family lives overseas.
Thanks to Craig for setting up this blog where we all can share our pain openly. I personally relate to all of you guys but in particular the Gentleman ‘Johnandwithkids’ since I share similar story, only difference is my father in-law is alive and have a single siter-in-law living in together.
I come from a broken family myself and have grown to live without a father. I have borne the emotional, social & psychological trauma as a kid growing up, so when I was dating my wife 13 years back we had a verbal pack that we will ‘never get a divorce no matter what.. if we ever got married’. Long story short we are separated now for 3 months (and a year earlier) she lives with her parents. We have mutual agreement to let me see one kid at a time on Saturday 9-9 – lost my house, savings and now I am in debt neck deep and living alone in a small apartment trying to piece back my life one day at a time.
I share the pain and miss both my daughters (3.5 and 5) very much. Their innocent smiles, their giggles, their excitement (when I get Pizza), when eating their ice cream or a candy. Those bed time stories, and games we played, running around the house and getting startled when you catch them and hug them tight, calling me ‘Dada’, those flying kisses when leaving for school, their baby talk of an eventful day at the school…all the little moments I witnessed when I was around them and MISS every second they grow older and new things they learn ..that I will never ever know.
Kids are not the same when you bring them over for few hours… they can read your pain and hurt inside and it kills you when they ask for their mom (my kids do since they are young) and you have to lie that she is on her way or something – at the same time you are trying to be normal and trying to learn as much of your kids (things you missed) and make up for the lost months and years and counting hours before they return back to their mom.
I have broken down and cried like all you guys, when flashed with moments on TV or day to day life which reminds me of my kids.. I feel helpless, emotionally defeated, empty living without a purpose…tried to distract myself and kept busy but the absence of kids never leaves your conciseness.
Reading some of the earlier posts, it is hard to console as a dad like me who just started this difficult journey, who is hurting more or less the same as other dads here after their 5+ years of divorce.
I have much to endure – so cannot really say whether it will get better or worse. But I hope some day things will turn around…OR at least I will have strength to go through this difficult phase of my life.
I have turned to GOD for answers and pray for all you guys..be strong and have faith!
Good evening everyone,
I pray for all of us and for the mothers heart’s to soften and realize that both parents deserve an equal amount of time with their child, unless of course abuse is and/or was present. I have a 16 moth old boy that I get three nights a week. After those three nights I don’t see him for six days the next week. This is one of those weeks which literally rips my heart out. I go out with friends and family, keep busy around the house, but the moment I stop, I cry and ask GOD for his grace for our boy not to forget me. I pray to GOD that his mother realizes what we will endure for the next 17 years of his and our lives. I don’t want to miss a minute of his life, nor do I want her to miss his pivotal moment, ones that every child goes through. I am not sure I want to live the rest of my life and certainly my son’s life only seeing him three nights a week. Here are some options that we all need to take action. First, change the child custody laws to prove that dad’s should have as much time if not more (as per the law) by going to your legislature, congressman, and state representative and be heard. Make your case known. Second, the child support laws (especially in Pennsylvania) need changed to reflect a child support checkbook where both parents use the money for the sole purpose of raising your child, not the draconian income based that is currently in many states. I believe the State of Ohio uses the child support check book and seems to have success. I believe if we rise together and make our voices heard, to the people in the government bodies we can make a change that would work for all of us and most importantly our children! Please Let me know what you are thinking.
hi i am the father of 16 month boy and my wife she is really mean with me and every day she is getting more and more mean its like i do not have any right at home or i am nothing there. i am thinking to divorce. what would be your suggestion please. i am not a happy man anyways so it would be more harder or ...
Make an effort to treat her better. Did you lose the romance in your relationship? I have a 16 month old boy and split from my fiancée/girlfriend and I am absolutely miserable not seeing my son everyday. I got too comfortable in our relationship and didn't make an effort to make her happy. My advice is do everything you can to save your relationship... go to a reputable counselor who has experience in working with couples towards reconciliation not divorce.
I lost my family in may 2 kids and a girl ive been with for 11 years i thought really cared for me and im kinda lost on how to be ok or happy she always made better money im a high school drop out and i do what i can always have my son was 7 months old my daughter was almost 4 and its hard to see them because i know they love me and want me home and i dont know how to tell them daddy cant i love there mom to death but she hates me and to know im going to have to watch somone else raise them and know i wont be number 1 ever again its hard i know im a good dad and they love me but im not sure if i can live that way to see your family leave you behind i work to pay child support but after i pay that i have nothin i live at my moms she helps me out alot i know she wont always be around i pay 360 a month im not behind on it but how will i ever take kids out or get a home for them to come to i dont see myself ever being a person they will look up to im pretty lost and broken and the thing about it is when she left she ended up with my older brother and i dont know if there together still but how do you deal with losing your family to your brother if someone got advice on what i could do or how to make it though all of this hit me up
And me too..... I miss my boy so very much, it breaks my heart so much, I missed his first steps, his first words, his first time learning to swim and ride a bike... I'm literally in tears when I hear about the things I have missed out on
I have trouble getting to see him BC of my situation and how far the mother lives, I am the only one that drives and I pay out of pocket for both trips back and forth, she lives with her mother and does not work, while she might be a full time student, she has time for a boyfriend but can't work. I just want to raise my son.
Devestated
My name is Paul and my wife and I are divorcing. We are separated at this time. We are not fighting over the kids and I thank God for that. Despite that, I go 5 to 7 days at a time without seeing my boy and I just don't know how to deal with that. I thought when we separated that the fighting was over, and it was, but the problems where just replaced with a new set of problems for me ... grieving! I feel like I've lost the very best part of me. Today was the first day I had to do the "parent swap." I haven't stopped crying since. I just miss him so much.
I think it's normal to feel very sad during switching times. I know that after three years it is still hard for me to see my children go see their mother. Even though my relationship with her is civil, it's not great by any means. I remember that my two children need both their mother as they do need the relationship with me. I have found it helpful to connect with other men, single dads preferably and use the time to be an adult. I have learned that it is important for me to take care of myself so I can take care of my treasures when they come back. The sequelae of divorce is like looking at a burned house; what can you salvage, what does not work anymore, what do I need to rebuild and what do I really still need. Do not give up on your children, no matter what life throws your way.
I have lived a nightmare for 10 years. My wife had an affair when my daughters were 5-6. She then fabricated allegations against me. I defended myself but by then 21 months had went past and the kids had been taught to hate me. I am supposed to have them two days a week but the family court judge tells me that if the children don't want to see me he won't make them see me so I go through life alone. I spent over $400,000 on attorneys trying to get back into my children's lives.
Ex-wife doesn't care, I have been totally and completely removed from my children's lives. Judge told me to wait until they were 18 and then they might want to see me....would he say that to a mother? No one to turn to, no one really understands.
I've been separated from my wife since 2011. My daughters are my world..They are staying with their mother in Singapore and I reside in the Middle East.It's never easy to pen a few lines, especially when I've just hugged my angels goodbye. For that matter, it has always been a challenge for me to look into their innocent eyes and say "goodbye" every time. The last 10 days with them were bliss and it seems to have wizzed past so fast. I wonder why it takes a minutě to say "hello" and forever to say "goodbye"??? To die and part is less evil; but to part and live, there, there is the torment. There is no greater torment than what as a dad am experiencing right now...tell me honestly, where is the "good" in goodbye?????? I leave my children safe in your hands Singapora.......
The question becomes how do we break the cycle of divorce?
How do we stay in "love" so that our children have stable homes? Maybe we place to much emphasis on being "in Love" and forget what all we "love" about what we have - focusing too much on our significant other and our feelings or lack of feelings.
How do we honor our wedding vows so that both partners want to stay?
How do we respect our significant other so that they want to stay? Respect is a two way street, that has so many excuses why one doesn't have to.
How do we honor our significant other so that they want to stay?
How do we teach our offspring to do the same in a pleasure filled, entitled, visual world filled with porn and addiction and our significant other is supposed to understand that we can't help ourself as we are wired that way to seek the thrill and the best? Hmmm, having control over ourself and our actions has become a vague notion, just doing what "comes natural" is the norm. I can eat a whole chocolate cake, I am naturally drawn to it, but it would be unhealthy in so many ways.
How do we teach our offspring that the time spent in porn and addictions and behaving as single that those actions will destroy a union? This is counter cultural of being your own person and our significant other is to understand our need to want to be single yet enjoy the perks of a union? Rather irrational human species we have become.
And, our significant other is to keep us in line as we test the boundaries because we are a people that can no longer control ourself and understand what is at risk.
What is the solution to this problem? Is it legislating things 50/50 custody? Is 50/50 good enough or is good enough an intact home for our families which can only occur if we "rethink" the crap that has we have been indoctriated with. We whine and moan that when it all falls apart it was a problems outside of our control, rarely is it.
There are plenty of books that explain the crisis of divorce, who reads then and better yet who thinks it will happen to them versus the "I'm different, my kids are different we are not those losers in that book" only to find out they are the same exact losers and have lost the same exact things. How do you educate a society of people who are so arogant?
There are a lot of books on how to be a better significant other. Have you read one lately or are you running on cultural messages?
My son is nearly 2 years old now and I only get to see him 4 times a year for 90 minutes at a contact centre. I have always been a strong guy physical and mental but always had a immature side. Since ive had a son I have grown up so much but I never knew missing my boy would hurt me this much... sounds stupid but I thought thats only what women feel more. But every time I see him we start bonding then after 90 minutes hes gone again for another 3 months and its killing me inside I feel a part of me is missing like theres something I need to be doing all the time and am really struggling like a constant sadness in me and just want to cry all the time which is so confusing for me as ive never seen a side like this in me before. I just hope it gets better soon
I have just been left recently. After several years of working and coming home to my girls I now come home to an empty home and no longer get to see my girls run down the hall way and get a hug. I have only been alone a short time but the hurt seems to only increase each day. How do you do it, how do you get out of bed, when the reason you do it all are no longer there.
It`s extremely hard reading everyone`s story and cathartic at the same time. I`ve been separated for almost 2 years. My ex moved to Seattle with our 9year old son, only 3 hours from where I live in Vancouver but I still have him every weekend. I drive there Friday night to get him and drive him back Sunday afternoon. Those long drives back on Sunday are devastating usually filled with a mix a silence and tears. I`m then fairly useless for the first few days of the week. Luckily my ex and I both communicate well for the most part and I`m thankful for that, but this pain is unbearable at times. I have a hard time walking into his room where I live because all I want is him here. I do take comfort knowing she`s a great mother, but I miss him when he`s not with me, miss dinners, bed time talks, coming home from work to him. It`s tough, lonely, but this site is such a cathartic revelation, thank you, to all of you for your stories. Stay strong!
Me too man I relate
My ex partner left me and took my 2 beautiful daughters aged 3 years and 7 months away to Australia. She left without saying anything and without letting me say goodbye to my angels. I have since applied for different visas wanting to be as close as I can to my children but the amount of money requested for those visas are more that I can afford. It has now been 5 months since I last saw them and don't know what to do anymore
I am a mom and started my search in google the other way around "my son misses his dad". I hear all the dads and I know how much they miss thier kids. My son's dad lives in a city that's far from us and complains that he misses his son but doesn't come to see him because he doesn't work and so does not have money to come. His family live where we live but I cannot understand why he cannot move to the same city as us so his son gets to see him more ofyen as well! Maybe it is his pride that he did not accomplish what he wanted in the other city or maybe he won't win if he gives in and moves back to the city that his son lives. I have a question for the fathers out there? What would you do if you were in his situation? Would your pride be on your way of seeing your kid more often?
I have been in this hell for 2 years now. I was a very involved father; coached all the sports teams, did hunting, fishing, camping, science fairs, everything with my two sons. Taught them everything. I now see one of them every other weekend. My oldest barely speaks or texts. In the past I have just wanted to die and sometimes I still do. Were it not for my youngest son coming to see me and respecting me I probably would end it. I have been trying to find a way to make my oldest see where I am coming from. I stumbled on this blog and am thinking about sending him the link thinking maybe if he sees how many dads are hurting and what they are thinking something will click. But I don't want to put any more stress on him either. In a year he will go to college and I will probably never see him again. What do you think about sending him this link?
Maybe that would help him understand. Go ahead.
Craig
It does help to know that I am not alone. I love my kids more than life and the pain is terrible. It may be too late for us, but why don't we band together. It seems like there is enough of us to start a special interest group and advocate for better laws and more rights. It would give us all a way to focus our pain in a positive way. I know I would feel better if I could help future men not go through this pain. 50/50 should be law. I don't mind supporting my children, but seeing them half of the time should be the right of every parent. I wouldn't know where to start, but there is so much we could do if we worked together. A dads support group where we cry and talk about our pain and then play a game of hoops. Men could start different chapters and we would all be a part of a larger organization. We could have our own team of lawyers and advocates that we all could use. When the going gets tough, the tough get going! We are men! We couldn't be stopped if we band together. There are many hurting people and the numbers are going up. Lets do something to at least ease some of that pain. Who's with me? Lets use our combined talents to make a start? Very sincerely, terrykarrow@hotmail.com
It does help to know that I am not alone. I love my kids more than life and the pain is terrible. It may be too late for us, but why don't we band together. It seems like there is enough of us to start a special interest group and advocate for better laws and more rights. It would give us all a way to focus our pain in a positive way. I know I would feel better if I could help future men not go through this pain. 50/50 should be law. I don't mind supporting my children, but seeing them half of the time should be the right of every parent. I wouldn't know where to start, but there is so much we could do if we worked together. A dads support group where we cry and talk about our pain and then play a game of hoops. Men could start different chapters and we would all be a part of a larger organization. We could have our own team of lawyers and advocates that we all could use. When the going gets tough, the tough get going! We are men! We couldn't be stopped if we band together. There are many hurting people and the numbers are going up. Lets do something to at least ease some of that pain. Who's with me? Lets use our combined talents to make a start? Very sincerely, terrykarrow@hotmail.com
Hi
Thanks for posting your stories. It's been really helpful knowing other people are going through the same sh1t. I'm 33 and been married for last 5 years. During those years married her mother has lived with us for 3-6 months every year and we've had to live with her parents during school holidays back In the UK for 3 months. We've been having difficulties for the last 2 years with her kicking me out of the house 3 times. She (R) doesn't talk/speak/communicate with my side of the family. For the last 2.5 year! The sex has always been good, but that's the highs the lows are terrible with accusations and her saying that she doesn't love me and I'm a terrible father. Then days later it's all lovey dovey..... I finally had enough
Im going through separation now. I live in the Middle East and the soon to be ex is taking my 3yo with her back to UK. She says she won't skype or show my daughter anything I send electronically ally. What do I do? How can I stay in touch if she's not going to help?
Thanks for letting me rant not looking for any answers just hope that I will remain in touch with my little girl!
This site is so supportive, ��
S, ME and UK
I haven't seen my kids in 17 months. My daughter's tenth birthday was last month and we were very close. We used to have conversations while I still had visitation that she wanted more time with me, we made funny videos on youtube and hung out and played video games a lot. My son is six now and I have to admit I never really got to know him as much as I should have. I miss them both dearly and it kills me that I probably will never have a relationship with them again as now I am far behind in child support payments and have no leg to stand on in court. I've sent three letters to their mother, wrote her several times on facebook. I completed all the hoops she was making me jump through for the courts but it doesn't matter because I'm not paying her the child support. It hurts to know that either my son and daughter either cry at night because they miss me and wonder why I don't talk to them or they either hate me for not being around. Not knowing which seems to make it even worse.
I'm in the midst of a divorce that would be considered tame and 'civil' by most comparisons. I don't miss my ex and it's better for my little one that we don't live with each other and fight all day anymore. Still, I can't help but wake up in the dead of night and wonder if my daughter is okay, if she's crying out for me, or if she needs me. Her mother gives just enough slack, just enough 'daddy time' so that nobody can talk badly about her. The truth is, I've seen my child only a handful of days in the last year and a half, and I'm scared she'll forget me. I'm scared that she'll forget how much I've always loved her, and I'm scared that she'll someday think that I chose this arrangement. Nothing could be further from the truth. I would give anything just to be able to hold her or take her to the park, or cuddle and watch a Disney movie with her. I know I should count my blessings because there are men who have it far worse that me...but every second that I can't be there and be her daddy, I wonder if she knows that being her father is the best part of who I am. I know this is long, and I know I'm not the only one feeling it, but I needed this off my chest.
I can somewhat relate ..... I tell you what's hard is my son is 8 & really shows no excitement to see me /talk to me & HE WAS MY BEST BUDDY we did everything together & I feel weird that he could careless if he sees me or not ....
If I was standing infrint of you explaining this you'd get my point, but your reading it, so I may not make sence ... Idk...
It like on one had I'm very greatful he's so young & does not grasp what I'm feeling
But on the other hand I'm like>> I HAVE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS & my life is a big pile of sh*t becuase my son is gone, my soulmate is gone ..... He coikd careless
I have to remember he's 8 & he's also MY SON ((being he's just like me))
Once when I was 11-12 I was away from my mother in Florida for 3/4months & when I came back home to ATLANTA she was so excited to see me & I was like >> ennnhh hey mom, gave her a half assed hug
& I probably wouldn't even recall this even if it wasn't for my stepfather pulling me to the side & saying YA KNIW YOU REALLY UOSET YOUR MOM, she ain't seen you in forever & you gave her a "go away" type hug ,you better go in there & hug your MOMA boy!!!
How is it judges, the law is so unfair to us dads. I am lucky, 50/50 and an ex who can stick to that and we both put the kids first. I would love to see a political party go in to bat for dads who nearly always seem to be the scapegoat, the ones to be punished, the ones to miss out when there are equal numbers of bad mums as bad dads.
My heart goes out to you all who are doing it tough, my kids are off on a 9 day holiday with my ex and I'm struggling already on day 1........and I have taken them on a 6mth caravan trip around Oz!!!
This is so hard. I have been separated for 7 months and we finally filed for divorce. I cry every night and even pretend that part of my daughters pillow is her little hand so I can try to sleep as I hold on to the corner. I also have 2 amazing boys. My oldest pretends like nothing is wrong but I can see it in his eyes. My younger boy is trying to stay connected with me but it is hard for him. I don't want to lose my kids because I don't feel the same love for their mom like I used to. I am trying to be a strong man for my kids but it kills when they are not with me. I feel so bad for the pain that I caused them. The tears feel like a burning because of the guilt. I wish I could take all the pain away from my beautiful children. They dont deserve to go through this.
Help me, I lost my beautiful wife and 2 kids 3&5,, so young be broken home, I can't handle not being with my son and daughter, I'm scared, I'm depressed. I don't know what to do!!! Help, I need to be there all the time, I can't do this
Stay strong brother, same situation here, I'm dying inside
Can we do better than the amount of posts here. I know for a fact that there are a lot of dads out there who need help. How can we step this up a notch or two? I am also an almost divorced dad who needs all the support I can get on a daily basis. Come on guys! Lets get this thing moving!
Paul, what is it you're asking for?
Craig, I think this is a great forum. Paul, if you have suggestions let Craig know. My wife abandoned our marriage 4 months ago and took my three kids with her. My kids have been my life since they were born...I now feel like an outcast....and she is the one who left! Next Wednesday we have a Pedente Lite hearing to formalize custody....she is going for sole custody and wants full child support. I am seeking joint, 50/50 custody. My heart hurts, my chest hurts, and there are times it is hard to breathe. I have boy/girl twins that are 15 and a 12 year old daughter as well. Being a dad is my greatest joy. Today I am struggling. My best to the dads out there who have always given 100%.....Chad.
I agree with Chad that we should be clear on asking for what we need. I also feel for the men like Chad who want to be in their children's lives and cannot or are not allowed. I also have not been able to see my children but very sporadically due to a similar situation that Chad has and I miss my children terribly. I also feel my heart heavy and I see men with their kids holding hands and I consider them very fortunate. As a man and as a father I know that no matter what a court says or any outside agency or ex-wife, etc, I love my boy and girl no matter what. I urge all men out there who have an opportunity to be with their children to pay special attention to what a gift our children are.
I wrote earlier on march 21. I have been on even more of a rollercoaster since then. We are not officially divorced yet but I found out that my ex already has a boyfriend and it hurts. I don't know what to do because my children like the guy but it is uncomfortable for them to deal with. I am trying my hardest to be a nice guy to make it easier for them to handle. I miss my kids and it hurts to know that another man is going to be putting my kids to bed every night instead of me.
So last night another friend sent a message saying they could not appear as a witness at the Pedente Lite hearing for fear of hurting my ex. I am learning how quickly a father's rights can be taken away. I now feel I have to start accepting the fact that I may only see my kids 4 days a month.....which is killing me. SHE is the one who abandoned our marriage. After selling our $400K marital home I bought a new townhome and set it up for my kids and I. Now I feel like selling this place and living in a trailer. Just really tired. Not sleeping. Bad headaches.
I am just contemplating divorce from my wife. She has been cruel and as said in all these blogs uses my children as a shield. I gave up on her because of her behaviour and uncontrollable rage for nothing. I did everything for the kids, polishing their shoes, helping them with their chores before heading to office. I tried my best to cover up and do the regular "everything is fine" routine. But she started cutting into me, my parents family, my work, etc.. I consulted some lawyers and people if there was a simple way to seperate. I was simply told, I would not have rights to the kids. I am now contemplating divorce. Its been 2 months since I left home and am living near my work place, I am just not able to give up on my daughter and son. I see them every month. I have never cheated on her, never went to clubs, not a drinker and no ideas of other people. Just mind my own work
Dear All,
No will ever know what it is like to miss your children unless they are in the same situation. Im going through a divorce now for nearly 5 months. My access to my 2 young children has been minimal. Why cant the third party understand it is just as important that our children spend adequate time with their Dads. It is so important that children of a young age grow up knowing who their Dad is and how much he cares for them rather than them thinking Dad doesnt want to see them. All the best.
Dear All,
I refered to my ex wife as the third party when i was refering to her.
Apologies. All the best.
we were never married.
by some accident, she was pregnant. Knowing how different we were, i was against going ahead. She was.
I continued to support her.
She announced birth of a boy three years ago.
showed me the boy only when he was 5 months.
gradualy started getting time with them. They would come home, spend a weekend or a few days.
She is russian.I am indian.
she from a very ordinar background.
every year , i brought them to india december, and took them back aprilish after the cold in moscow had worn out.
This year the same plans.
But she is so difficult. I tried talking as little as i could to avoid conflict. She uses any disagreement to manipulate me, saying no more kids, no more india, we returning now, and not as per schedule etc etc ad nauseum.
I have been a maximum dad. Complete attention. Minute attention.He will bathe or even have his bum cleaned only if i am with him.It appears the more i do, the more she takes me for granted.
toried last 4 months. there is zro communication with her, her responses always rude, so i talk as little as i can.
last week, she tried to take him up to sleep.he would not.he cried as she took him up. She dropped him on the stairs. I rushed up, picked him, and brought him back downstairs and played him a movie as i rocked him to sleep. She comes down, tempts the sleeping boy wth chocolates etc, he still refuses. Then she tries to grab him. he cries.we have a scuffle. she hits me with her footwear. i then smack her on face with weeping boy in my arm.
i leave a couple of days later on a biz trip.
she initially was ok, then suddenly somethng changed. she said the consulate would arrange tickets if i did not change them myself. i called the cosnulate, and they laughed at it saying they do nothing in such personal cases.
she left when i was away. wth the boy. flew back to moscow i can assume!
and ofcourse she wont communicate, wont write, wont nothing....whatever i write my end.
I am trying not to appear desperate.
trying to give it a pause.
She is from a poor background, in a very difficult country. But she is stupid too. and hence very adamant.
My scheduled return is mid may. But it aches my heart to see his cars and toys and some clothes.
I cannot understand how women are like this. Cold hearted.unemotional. blank.
How he must pine for me, the little fellow. I miss him , and all i did for him. I just regret that incident, but that was a culmination of months and more than years of provocation...severe provoca
tion.
Today is the fifth day without him...and it hurts perhaps more now...
glad to be with you here
i know how it is
any complete uncertainty on hw she will respond at all if she does at al....she loves to block me out and know i am down in the dumps
Hi all,
I'm really quite sad at the minute because after my separation my ex wife decided that her new man was more important than our kids 18 & 6. I have them full time which i'm grateful for, truly i am but sometimes i also cry myself to sleep thinking how my kids are missing out by not having a mother. I try my best to be with my kids at every moment but with zero help im struggling to keep up. My youngest now says things like my mam doesnt want to see me & its heartbreaking. I feel guilty at times and blame myself for the separation and the fact they only have one parent. I get not one penny from her as she just says she doesnt have it and im afraid to bring her to court for fear of it causing upset for my kids. What a mess this is! I'm going in to sleep with my son now just to feel normal again because if i stay here in my own room im likely to stare at the ceiling for hours. I know its all a test but im starting to fail quickly.
Get your kids into some counseling as fast as you can.
I would if I could afford it mate but i am looking for something that is not overly priced. I know some dads would kill for my situation and i even feel bad posting here after reading some of the great dads posts saying they are alone at night. In fact i feel like a awful person even suggesting things are hard while i have them in my custody. Its just very hard sometimes & i have no time for myself or any other relationships. Everything i do revolves around these two. Why does it have to be so hard. Believe it or not even after 18 months if she decided that she wanted the kids full time the likelihood is thst she would get them taking unfair irish law into account. I just hope they realise that i did the best i could and that i gave it my all. Good luck you all.
I cheated, drank too much and lost my thriving business. I thought I cheated on my wife, but in reality I cheated my innocent children. I see my 7 year old daughter. My 16 year old moved back to my 1st wife 600 miles away. I can't seem to put my life back together. I live every day looking backwards never forward. It was not worth it and every second is a struggle. I wish I would have read this before I over indulged in everything. I miss them so much. I have disappointed them so much. I used to be their hero.
Just completing a divorce I didn't want after 18 years of marriage. This past 6 months has been the hardest of my life. I am a good dad, constantly involved, did everything for my wife and kids. I work from home so I was always there, for drop off and pick ups at school, making dinners, breakfast, coaching sports none of it mattered to the courts.
She was a stay at home mom and helped them with homework. The fact that she really did nothing with my boys besides homework meant nothing. I ended up with 38% custody. The fact that I work is used against me as the reason for the custody breakdown
Which means that 62% of the time I feel like my heart and soul are somewhere else. It is the greatest pain I ever felt in my life.
I have a great deal of animosity towards her and what she decided for our family. The times when I don't see the kids for 3-4 days are unbearable , and I fear it is only going to get worse as the time goes on.
I'm waiting to hear our high court decision. I've gone from being the primary carer to three days a week and then to 50/50. The mothers continuing abuse of us all led to bringing this to high court. Social workers were clearly biased from the start after first seeing my poisonous ex. After fighting for a legal guardian I was disgusted to find they automatically support the mother and biased & dishonest social workers. The mother has documented mental/psychological/interpersonal issues. The children are even recorded as having witnessed her abuse of us all and disgusting parental alienation. My record is clean, so-called evidence was shown to be false or made up by the mother....Still I'm told I'll probably lose and will be left with 'the most draconian option' as reported by a psycologist. My children will suffer even greater abuse and I'll not be able to protect them any more. Contact will be supervised so I'll look like a paedophile or criminal. I've been financially abused, lost my home that took my life to pay off, my ex (sshort marriage) got the house and used a clearly false valuation to leave me with not enough for a tiny house with shared yard. I'm set to lose half the child benefit and tax credits. The middle child has contemplated suicide. The eldest has done a statement for court detailing how he was freq bullied and brought to tears by her and how much better parent his father is. The judge has dismissed it as 'fighting in the family' even though it ties in with what his younger siblings have reported to so-called 'professionals'. My younger children have been running away in an attemot to get to me during the 50/50 !. Social worker & legal guardian expect this to increase and the middle child to resume assaulting his mother. It has all been blamed on my influencing the children against their mother yet my barr has successfully shown it is in fact the mother that has been doing this & the children show no sign whatsoever of any alienation by.... It's a sick world that can now threaten abused father and children with even greater abuse and disrespect......Sad and bewildered dad.
I feel for you and have been there twice. It seems impossible but look forward to the time with the children. Yes in between visits you will feel you are just living for the next time....If their bond with you was stronger they will come back to you when older, get ready for that and keep strong for them. Find out when they themselves can apply to live with you and let them know so they have some hope of spending real time with their super dad again as they used to so very much enjoy.....R
My situation is a bit different. My wife and I are still together.
Right now I am thousands of miles from home for work. I spent 3 weeks away and was able to come home for 36 hrs before flying out again. That was a week ago, and I will still be gone for another 3 weeks.
My daughters are 6 and 4 and they are everything to me. I miss walking in the door and they both come running and hug me. I miss my 4 year olds dimples. I miss how my oldest gets the giggles.
Weekends are the hardest. I can bury myself in work on the weekdays until I'm exhausted and fall asleep. The weekends I don't have anything to keep my mind occupied.
I tried surfing YouTube to take my mind off things, but that Hyundai commercial came on (the one with the astronauts daughter and they make a message with tire tracks that's big enough for him to see it from the space station) and I instantly teared up.
I guess the question is what can I do to get through these next 3 weeks?
For me it's my daughter, she's 12 and has always been my baby girl. After telling me she's sad because I don't live with them anymore, she doesn't want to talk to me anymore. .I text every morning and evening saying that I love her but she doesn't respond. The pain I feel for hurting her is more than I can take. ..I just want my baby girl back.
I have to say I'm glad I found this page, I won't go into details but I've got a daughter 16 months. She is adorable, bright, head strong and courageous. She misses me and I miss her. I can't talk to her right now soon enough I should be able to see her and hold her! How I love her so, randomly I just can't contain myself anymore and I cry I miss her. Whoever reads this remember this too shall pass, you can be an amazing parent, in this moment, think about the the action that will correctly get you closer for the betterment of them, then do that. Maybe its a text, or a call, or seeing if you can pick them up from school, or make a video of you reading to them so they can see their dad read to them. You can do it your strong enough.
Does it get easier? I doubt it.. I have been separated from my ex since September of 2014. I have a 3 year old and 18 month old. Since I left I now have to work 2 full time jobs for 15 hours a day 7 days a week just to support myself and my children. This leaves me no time to see them. My ex is ok with me popping in between jobs so basically I get to see them for 2 days a week for 2 hours each day. My eldest knows something is different but I just tell her when I leave that daddy has to work. I am scared to bring her to my apt because I don't want her to know that I don't live home. This is the hardest thing that I have ever had to deal with. I cry myself to sleep every night and don't see that changing. I am missing their entire lives and feel like a bad father. I hope they don't grow up to resent me
I wish my dad cared like you all do.. My dad doesn't make effort to see me or pay child support. I don't know why he stopped loving me. I'm crying as I type this I'm sorry dad that I have made you not love me anymore. But I will always love you. I only want the best for you. Always have always will.
I sit here and read some of these posts and cry. My ex has made my life he'll since we separated 6 years ago. She has cost me tens of thousands of dollars, my health, my happiness my sanity and now my relationship. My new fiancee could not put up with her hurting me and seeing me so miserable. I am now back in court for the third time in 6 years fighting just to see my kids. I haven't seen them since Christmas but it feels like forever. I have Family Court Custody papers that give me custody every weekend but they are not worth the paper they are printed on. This is the third time I've had to drag her to court and each time the judge does nothing but order her to give them back. No punishment, no penalty for the heartache she has inflicted on my children and I. The system is useless. I am seen as the aggressor and automatically guilty of whatever she accused me of for one reason. I am male.
Hi, never done this before and I feel slightly bad for doing it. Im currently in a relationship with a guy that has been separated from his ex partner and three children for a year and a half. According to him and his family, the relationship was not great and the children may have witnessed things that they shouldn't have. I have alway been aware that not having his children live with him and not seeing them every day breaks his heart. Recently things have been bad, with his ex getting an order of court which stops him having any contact with her. This process took 12 weeks, in which time he was unable to see his children. He had them the weekend before last. I was so excited for him. The children no nothing about me, which I agree with, we have only been together for 8 months and I never take part in bad mouthing his ex as I do not know her and I wont do that. Since having his children he has asked that I give him space, he says that his feelings are numb and he worries how it would affect the children. To be fair I am heartbroken but I am really beginning to realise that this could be an issue that many men go through. I am giving him his space but I want to be able to help him. Is there anything he can do? would counselling help? I worry that he will never get over his children not being with him full time and that he will spend years not feeling and just hurting. I cant take the pain away or make it better but there must be something I can do for him. Thanks and sorry
I am going to lose my 4 month old son to a divorce. I am with him every day after work while my wife goes to work. I take tons of picture and have built lots of memories so far. I was brought up to be tough and to show emotion. Sometime you would think I cant get emotional, but right now I am having a tough time. The thought of not getting to hold him every day just destorys me. When every thing is final, my wife will move back home and my son will go with her. I don't know what to do.
Love this site, I'm divorced, and a proud father of 2 wonderful kids... my son just turned 13 and my daughter is 11. I know that there growing up and want to do stuff in there weekends. But I need some time with them, it's so hard not to be able to see them.. my x doesn't help, she rather my kids not see me... I love my kids... what can I do,
Nice blog .. brings out the pain whch I feel .. going through a divorce currently ... have a 3 yr old daughter and a 6 month son ... never seen the son as she walked out during the last month of pregnancy ... the worst part is that the world assumes that a father is not good enough to take care of his kids ... goddammit ... i work 12 hours a day to ensure the kids get a good roof, food and education ... my daughter kept me in the relationship for 3 years even though it was clear on day 1 that i had made a mistake ... and now she is gone ... custody is out of question ... and I have decided not to take visitation rights ... dont know what it makes me but the wait will be killing ... also, living 1500 miles away from my kids makes visitation almost impractical ... 6 months on, I have already missed 100% of my son's life and 15% of my daughter's life ... wonder if that is ever going to come back ...
I know how you feel so much
I just learned of your blog.
My wonderful boyfriend of over 2+ years has been divorced over 7 years, just like myself. However, unlike me, his ex-wife is has destroyed his sons relationship with him. He loves them so much, and it hurts me to the core to see him cry because he feels he is being erased from their lives.
This man has paid child support, paid 1/2 of private school tuitions, covers all their health insurance, set up college accounts for each of them, volunteered at all their school events, and yet has had to go to court three times to stop his ex-wife from not allowing him his court mandated child custody arrangement. I've seen her texts demanding $$$$ before he can see his son - blackmail - I was shocked and yet NO ONE has stopped her malicious bullying. She has told lies about him, and has encouraged her sons no talk to him.
Now seven years later, he can't fight this anymore. The saddest thing was when he went to watch his son play on his baseball team (a public place) and his ex-wife took his son off the field to face his father, while she was saying "tell your father you don't want him here" EVIL.
When I divorced I vowed I wouldn't say anything mean about their father. I may not want to see or talk to him ,but they DO want THEIR father (he always cared about them). In the beginning, they had a tough time with their dad (they were 16-18 years old), but they needed him in their lives. Now they are happy, and I stay out of their relationship with him. I'M HAPPY MY KIDS ARE HAPPY..... PERIOD.
Why can't other ex-wives SEE how important this is? Seven years....don't they want to move on with their lives?
Hi there all
Hit the nail on the head in your introduction. My Daughter is my life and I'm going to miss out on so much. I just pray that Lord has a plan for me and my Daughter. She is 4 years old and I love her than life itself!
I was quiet surprised to see so many Fathers hurting and it's an awesome blog this well done! I actually thought I was one of very few Fathers that have had their Fatherhood taken away, this blog eases that. Thank You and God Bless all that you guys do.
Sounds so familiar, my ex is not a bad person, she's a great mum and does what we both agree to be the best mother the kids can have. It's just that due to circumstances I now live in a different country (would not be able to support them if I did not) but this makes it very hard to see my little ones. She let's me see the kids as much as I want so I guess I'm lucky but due to distance this does not happen more than once a month max. During holidays I have longer periods when the kids are with me witch makes departure even more difficult.
Stay strong brothers, do what is best for the kids, they will know this when they grown up. Don't make them pawns in a match. Use technology, video conferencing (skype, google hangouts) it help as you can actually see them. But it's not the same as giving a hug..
You are not alone, I hope this helps anyone reading the blog, it seems to be the same all over the world.
Dreaming of the day the kids would live with me
- Scandinavian -
This blog brings tears to my eyes. I was simply looking for ideas to cope with my kids being away for a week at music camp.
I know they are happy and still the pain of separation hurts. And it's only a week. I am glad to see men sharing their attachment to their children. My husband left us period. For the sanity of the children, we did not plan visitations. He wanted no responsibility for us so the lawyers counseled allowing him his freedom. He has the right to see the children, but he never does. The arrangement lets the children, now 13, twins, chose their own healthy relationships with people who love them. Children are not pawns and they grow so quickly. If I were a Dad, I would be at my kids school everyday. I would write them everyday and ask them lots of questions. Ask them who they are and what would make them happy. I'd be obnoxiously there even when they don't want me to be.
Children need their Dads. Our relationships are not given, they are made.
I'm a divorcee dad for almost a year and every single minute I miss my 11 year old princess. Going back in an empty house is too much for me to bear. Sleeping alone in an empty room without kissing her on her forehead, I felt a sense of hopelessness and I began to wonder if this is of my own doing. I knew I do make mistakes in the past but this undying love towards my daughter keeps me going. It is what moves me and I do really hope and pray that my daughter realise how much she means the world to me. I really miss her terribly and I felt I'm the cause of this whole divorce things.
I am in the midst of filing for annulment with my ex spouse and filing for custody/ interim access care and control of my son now but eversince things turned sour which initiated and created by her all
this while; I have not seen my 7 months plus old baby boy for almost 4 months now and there has not been any verdict of custody or care and control or the annulment yet; I should have every equal rights to see my son but my ex has wilfully and sadisticly refused my access to my son and start making false allegations on me, taking up false restraint order on me; when I call her I harassed her, I texted her I threatened her and look her up and I am going to abuse her which are all lies and her objective is to snatch my son away from me; not that she love my son but she has been abusing my son and using my son to hurt me...she has been in three marriages and I am third most stupid man in her marriages and she has got three other kids from the other two marriages and she did the same things to the previous husbands and snatch their kids too...I do not know what to do as I am totally clueless if I will win the custody case or not with her shitty profile..
please I need advice asap....I miss my son so much that I feel like breaking down now...everytime I see my son's clothings, his cot, his stroller, his pictures I will feel like dying and cry my heart out so hard that I cry myself to sleep and wake up and cry first thing when I think of him...eversince my ex and I registered for the marriage we have been living apart, she with her other kids and mother including my son and me at my mother's and now after all the episodes and even custody and annulment not done, she is asking for maintenance for her and my son and she threatened that if I refuse to barge she will my son's last name from mine to hers.....she is utterly and totally a major bitch!!! Please help
I'm glad I found this blog. It has helped me to know I am not alone. Reading all these stories is heartbreaking, but therapeutic as well. I am currently going through a divorce. And the stages of grief/depression I've gone through from the moment I was served with the divorce notice from her attorney is only understandable by the dad's reading this. I have a three year old boy. And just when I think everything will be ok, I am reminded of the fact that I wont hear his stomping little feet running up to me when I get home from work to embrace me and telling me how happy he is I'm home. It is especially difficult to not see him go to sleep at night or watch him fall asleep in my arms as we watch the disney channel. My marriage has not been good for a long time, but I was willing to suck it up until my son was old enough to understand the situation. Again, it was not to be since she filed for divorce. My advice to anyone going through this is to reach out to blogs like this and read other stories. And understand that each step of the process is a stage that you will ultimately overcome. Surround yourself by friends and family and talk about what you are going through. It has helped me tremendously. And most important of all, accept the fact that it is ok to simply let go, and cry. The sun will ultimately shine brighter.
Every night, I pray that God will let me die in my sleep. Every morning, I wake up to the nightmare that was apparently destined for me. God has a plan for everyone's life....I guess for some of us, we are created purely to suffer like this...Ihave nothing left, and my ex is going after me for more. I make 740 dollars a month. My ex takes me for 632 a month in Child Support. After I pay taxes, I make -52 dollars a month. I have been reduced to living on an air mattress at my sister and brother-in-law's house. I no longer have the ability to make the kind of money I used to because of a work injury that permanently restricted my safe working limits. I can't get any public assistance because I make more than 200 dollars a month...getting CS taken out means nothing. My ex wife took everything from me. She falsely accused me of abuse after I filed a restraining order against her for threatening to kill everyone in the house. The judge threw out my restraining order, and bought my ex wife's story and judged me negatively because of it, even after my ex admitted she lied about it. Thats the way it works. Husband tells truth, wife tells lies, lies become truth through judicial manipulation, and truth becomes obsolete since the definition of truth changed.
Meanwhile, I stay current on CS by any means necessary, and she refuses to follow the court ordered visitation schedule. If I violated the visitation schedule by five minutes, I would be in jail. She flat out witholds visitation from me, which is a felony in Colorado. Still waiting to see if the judge will enforce or not. I missed my daughter's second birthday and father's day because my ex wife decided to do whatever she wanted to do. She claims I owe her $6,000 in arrears, but the state says I owe nothing. She tells me to "keep listening to the voices in my head" when I point it out. She really screwed me up. She was also physically abusive. Again, no public resources for me because I am a man.
She continues the abuse using my daughter by proxy. And the court enables her. There is no justice. Just an endless cycle of abuse that is court enforced. I am ready to die. I will not kill myself because that is morally wrong and I am the only financial support my daughter has. But I am still ready to die nonetheless.
My wife told me she was taking my 2 girls for a holiday to see their grandmother,who is 6 hours drive away. A week later she tells me she's not coming back,then i find out that she's left thousands of dollars in debt behind,and taken my entire last pay out of our joint bank account. Apparently she'd been planning this for quite some time, and had things all worked out. It's been 9 months now, and she's telling me she can't afford to travel to bring the kids to me so i can see them,like she agreed to through family court...and now i pay child support(no problem here,they're my kids), and her debts,and a mortgage by myself, so things aint so rosey on the money front for me either, but she doesnt get that,everytime i bring up visitation, she tells me how tight money is for HER..she spends every penny, i save every penny. So now i get home from work, and wander around my big,empty house, and look at what's still in the girl's rooms(furnature,artwork,etc)and I cry so hard and I hurt so much inside I think i will pass out. I had alot to do with my girls,right from when they were babies, wife used to work night shifts, so i'd quite often have the girls for days at a time,they're now 8 and 12,and now i feel like they are growing up without me. I've dealt with alot in my life, and in quite a few ways, I'm one tough ombre, but this is by far the worst kind of pain I've ever been through. To me, Separation from my children and wife is like they have all died in some tragic accident, and all i have left is memories and photos, but in a way it's almost worse because I KNOW they're still alive, but I CAN'T be in their lives like I used to be. So far, I've tried different ways of coping such as being busy/brave/reckless/drunk/getting back to roots/new hobbies etc but at best they only seem to delay the inevetable, which is feelings of hopelessness, sadness,and despair at not being able to be a part of what some men take completely for granted,a family.
I thank you craigd2599 for allowing me to vent on your blog.
Yours truely
A broken man
It is absolutely unconceivable how much you miss your little one. You can put up with the lies the lawyers the bad mouthing relatives of hers, the cheating discovered late, the money down the drain that you save for your kid, but you cannot get over the absence of your child. She left and took my daughter with her, i was left with a bunch of lawyer papers that I do not understand fully and disgraced me in every possible way. I feel that I am just in a bad dream but am not. Lost all my strength and feel an absolute defeat and sadness. As a relative lawyer said brace for the worst it will never get better she will make your life a missery. It is often now I wish i just pass away in my sleep as cannot get over it, but it doesnt happen. Try to show courage as i fear if i am gone my kid will never have someone to turn to. It feels good to write about it.
Hi People.
After meeting up with my daughter after 10 years (she's now 16), I can say I am truly made, but I am also a father to a 5 year old son who I haven't seen since April 14. We got on great and had some amazing times together. Now he doesn't want to know me, knows me as the scary man because I used to tell his brother and sister off (step children). I was angry, upset and truly unhappy in a dead marriage. So I did the only thing I could and left. Sometimes, I wish I hadn't of, because I would still get to see my son every day, to cuddle him, kiss him and laugh with him.
Now I feel as if part of me is missing so very much. His mother just says she isn't forcing him but I feel he has been almost brainwashed.
I'm sat at work right now, trying to stop the tears running down my face in front of my work mates, and I have pictures, oh so many pictures on my iPhone. I cannot bear to look at them for the pain I feel.
I am truly blessed having contact with my daughter again, and equally cursed for not seeing my son for almost a year and a half.
Thanks for reading this people. It has helped the burden lift a little
Big Love
Hello, my girlfriend and i split up when my son was two months old and she disappeared -he is now 9 months old- less than a month after we split while trying to get custody and visitation i lost my job and could no longer afford my lawyer so everything stopped - i would dream about him every night -i was so sad that i often thought he was better off without me. But i made it thru those days and now i have a much much better job and am trying to locate her to serve her
-things are complicated because her mother owns a law firm with 4 other partners 2 of them specialize in family law -i hated the fact that i will have limited time with him because he doesn't know me anymore -but now just the thought of seeing him for 5 minutes gets me so exited i want to scream and do cartwheels- i know its going to be hard but the worst i believe is over -please guys just hold on and take it one day at a time your children need you -no matter how insignificant you feel -thanks for reading -
I'm about to start a new job which involves me staying away from home 5-6 days a week..
I'm not gonna be able to see my kids and I know it's gonna kill me.
I'm all over the place right now, I'm excited about new work and the money is great ( can't afford to turn it down), but on the other hand, I don't want to have to leave my family behind..
Thanks for reading
Everything is temporary. Do what you have to do until you find an occupation close to the family and or your children. I would set a goal to find something local.. Of course, I have been commuting twice per week 400 miles round trip for 10 years now. In hind sight missed out on far too many ball games and such. I would have done a lot of things different because you can't get the time back that you miss with your kids. Pray about it and do what it takes to find something close to the kids. To much wear and tear on your body and relationship with your kids to be anything sustainable. Do what you need to do for now and then move to a job closer even if it is a few less dollars. You can earn more money when the kids are older. That's when they will want you to work wherever to help pay for college expenses and spring break spending money. At that point they just want you to work near a western Union or anywhere you can deposit money into their account.. Stay as close to them as possible when they are young because they grow up way too fast.
My situation is simple, as long as I do what my wants want and deposit money there are no problems. We have been married 12 years and have three children boy 3, girls 7 and 9. My wife comes from a dysfunctional mom and dad. They lived together and were married but had seperate rooms and never showed affection. Every time I cam over her mother would complain that she was divorcing him.....He was an alcoholic. Her mother had mental issues and dressed like a teenager and could not face aging. Her sister had 4 kids from four different guys. A real mess. For two years she didn't work and I really lost interest in her because of her lack of consideration. She spent money like crazy and the house was always a mess. She became a realtor to do something but ended up costing money. We would have fights and I admit I would say things I didn't mean, like I want a divorce, I am not in love anymore. Also intimacy was a problem, she always fell asleep or had to take the kids to bed and fall asleep with them upstairs. Then last year her mother was killed by a drunk driver in Florida. Then her family suddenly became the perfect family. Strange they hired a
Ayer for her case the day after she was killed. The family told me not to get involved. For a year we had ups and downs but eveything went ok. Then we suddenly started drifting apart. Then in April this year she said I am done and divorce is the only thing I want. At the same time she started talking 3-4 hours to a friend in Florida of her moms, female. I suspect she is the poison in the well. I have begged and pleaded with my wife to work it out. Nothing. The other thing is she goes to the local gym 7 days a week now. She goes sometimes two hours or twice a day. Last week she took my daughter with a fever so she could work out. During the last 6 months she would say lets talk seperation but we never got to it. I began to see a therapist, psychiatrist. I went out with her a few times to try and talk about working it out and it would just make her angry. She would yell and claims I am a cheater and that I have a double life. Not true. I have never cheated. I have maybe. Looked at adult websites but never ever cheated. Now in the last month I stopped depositing money like usual and she has become a monster. She has told my kids that I am selfish and don't deposit money for them and I only gave them $2000 last month. Not true because I actually put $5000. I was sick this weekend, she tells the kids I lied to not be with them. I had bronchitis documented. Now she only texts me to tell put money in the bank. I am down and cry a lot. She told my daughter I am a cry baby. I think she has borderline personality disorder and is cheating, especially with all the gym activity. She goes 7 days a week and the gym is her priority. I am miserable and I feel like I am losing it, my law practice is going to crap, physically I have lost 40 pounds....I was coping but now she is telling my kids things. The wife I knew for the last 15/1/2 years is gone. She even told me, I am a different person now. You cannot control me. And when she gets mad she tells me cuss words, yells at me, and treats me bad. Then the next day she try's to say hi and tell me to have a nice day and don't forget to make a deposit. She was never about money and now that's all she talks about. Not once has she mentioned that she is worried about the kids. I am hiring an attorney to file first on her and I am getting a PI. I don't want to but I am scarred what she is going to do to me. She hates me. If she came to me I would make it work I can't keep thinking about not being with my kids as much. I am devastated and everyone tells me this is just the beginning. I never thought I would be here. I am so down, I am so frustrated. I pray and pray and hopefully a miracle will come.l
I stumbled across this blog searching for some 'answers' after my recent separation from my wife and two boys (12 and 11). I've found it both really moving but also helpful to know I'm not alone. Many of the accounts of Dads missing their children or not being able to see them are really heart-breaking. So much so that I wish I could do something to help. This is really just a general comment to say my thoughts and prayers are with you all and please hang in there. Life can be cruel sometimes but during the hard times try and draw strength from those precious memories of joy and happiness with your children. Nobody can take those away from you.
Mark, I am going through the same thing. My daughter is 12 and has not spoken to me in a year. My 2 younger children 8 and 10 still come and see me and spend vacation with me but my oldest daughter wants nothing to do with me. My EX has twisted her mind. I had to evict my ex from our old house because she refused to pay rent however she told my daughter that I threw them out on the street. My Daughter won't even try to listen to my explanation.
Uggla whatever. I am sitting here at 3:20 am and have been crying since 11pm. I don't know if I can take this much more
I don't know how to leave my name. But I am a mother who lost her son in the divorce. My ex played really dirty and told lies. We were in court for over four years and my son vehemently told the courts, social workers and the judge he wanted to live with me because his dad gave his sister a black eye.
I miss my son terribly and he knows his dad lied to get custody and now things are so bad I have to have supervised visits, and I have been convicted of risk of emotional harm and undermining the placement by his father and it had been confirmed by the social workers with no substantiated evidence.
Today five years on from the divorce, I contacted the father and resident parent about parents evening and he plainly said I can't go.
I have been crying for hours.
He is using my son as a weapon and my son knows it
Sam xx
I have not seen my children in 5 years due to a cruel ex.....the pain is constant and unbearable at times......once a successful businessman!!! Now a broken shell relying on relatives to survive....Knowone can understand the pain except maybe my fellow brothers and Fathers on this forum.
I am a 45 year old father, divorce not final yet, my ex has succeeded in turning both my boys one 23 coast guard in biloxi Miss and I.a sophomore in high school, against me. I love to see them at her house when I pick up my daughter because I still get man hugs and kisses from them. Lately though my ex has not been helpful in the talking nightly category and I am getting fed up and angry!
My stories a little different than most here but I feel the similarities nonetheless. My daughters mother and I broke up when she was 8 months old. When Emily (the mother) was pregnant I won't lie I didn't really feel a connection with my daughter. But the moment she was born and I saw her for the very first time I fell in love. I don't know how to describe it. It was such an overwhelming feeling that I get goosebumps thinking about it sometimes. My dad wasn't ever around when I was growing up so I always promised myself that I would be there for my children no matter what. For the first six months our relationship was as great as those stressful months could be. But somewhere in those last couple months we fell out of love and became less of a team.. If hardly at all. We lived together the whole time she was pregnant and even after. The day we broke up I remember her bouncing my daughter on her knee and telling her "I'm sorry you won't ever get to see your daddy". I spoke out of emotion and said things I wish I wouldn't have. After another couple weeks she called her dad and she moved back home with our daughter which is four hours away. I hit such a low that I dropped out of school and constantly went back and forth on taking my own life. Talent after a month or so I told myself that I promised I would always be there for my children. We don't have visitation or anything set up so I'm extremely grateful for that. She tells me that I can come visit whenever I want but with me living four hours away I can't just come see her after work every day. I go visit whenever I get the chance. But now that my daughters two it's only getting harder. She knows what's going on but she's such a loving little girl that she doesn't care. When we're together it's literally the best feeling in the world; it's almost a high. I forget about all my worries and stress and for those times we're together I'm truly af peace. I know that might not make much sense but that's the only way I know how describe it. She came and visited me for my birthday this weekend and when she had to leave earlier she looked at me crying and asked, "Hallie stay with daddy?". It was such a good feeling to know that she wanted to stay with me despite not getting to see her too often but it was so shitty having to tell my two year old daughter no. That she couldn't stay with me. What if she thinks I don't want her to stay? What if she thinks I chose for things to be like this. I don't know what to do but I can't keep doing this. Ive never had my heart broken before my daughter was born and now I have it broken every time I see her. It's not supposed to be this way. The original poster said it best when he said that it just feels like fatherhood is being sucked right from you.
Hi Guys,
I live in Ireland. I broke up with my ex before our son was born. Everything became so stressful that things simply had to end in my opinion. I am sorry I didn't stick it out. As soon as he was born I felt something and the day after my world had changed.
He is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
A couple of times his Mum & I have spoken about getting back together. I would love dearly for that to happen. I know she can be difficult but I guess I can be too. When we row, it seems like I lose any available time with him. He is lovely, I love him so much.
I know how all of you feel as I have woken up in the middle of the night, scared, heart beating, anxiety raging and missing him so much. When he does visit me, I long for her to be there too so we can both enjoy watching him grow up. But then people have told me they are glad we are not together so that scares me.
Life is not meant to be like this. We should see more of our kids and when we don't it hurts.
"We are fighting the same battle, all over the world. Just hold on..hold on.. and try to be good. Someday, children can decide and if you are good, they will decide to live with you. Just don't give up!!! Sasha"
Just about to begin this hell and my heart is breaking at the loss of my two little heroes. These words gave me one spot of hope; if I just hold true as I know I have been kind and strong, then one day they will be old enough to see the truth; daddy never ever left them and went through hell so he could occasionally stroke their heads or hear them laugh. So that is my life from now on.
Im a 35 yr unmarried first time dad of a now 4mth old boy. My story is very similar to the gentleman Ireland my ex gf of 6 yrs and mother of my son broke up with me a few mths before he was born, but we made sure to keep seeing each other right through the birth and thats when it hit me.
The best day of my life was his birth and cutting the cord worst was the same day and her controlling mother pulling me aside in the maternity ward to tell me "its best you dont come to our house today" where my son would eventually be living thats when it hit me.
i knew there would many problems ahead seeing my son. My ex and i spoke about getting back together and being a family.
The first step was seeing a family therspist at my expense.
She agreed but a disagreement arose about my bonding time with my son. I was tired of the 1hr or 2 hr shoe dept store visits at the mall.
And being told by her mother that as new mom she was tired and needed an early bed rest. Basically its time you go.
All i can do is scream inside. Walking out of her parents home and knowing my newborn son is in there and there is nothing i could is indescribable. Simply painful just like the stories above i identify with all.
Now ive hired an attorney to estabish my parenting time.
Reading the stories above is tough.
Makes matters worse shes an attorney herself told me and said i wouldn't have a chance. Perhaps i dont But for my son ill do anything. I love my son so much. All i can say to the readers start your life over.. love and support your children and seek gods help always first
I am not a dad, I am a mother of 2 children 6 and 2 and am currently separated from my husband of 8 years (not my choice). I just want to say that those of you dads fighting for that time with your kids are an inspiration and I agree that many of you deserve to have that time with your children. Despite my anger towards my ex for his decision I have always let him know that he can see our kids whenever he wants. All I ask is that he call or text so that I know and can have the kids at the house for him to either pick up or visit with. He works 10 minutes away from our home and does not make the effort to see them anymore than the every other weekend schedule he has put himself on. My kids rarely receive calls from him. As a mother this breaks my heart because I do want that father/child relationship for my kids. Hearing what some of you dads have to say saddens me because you are having to fight for time with your children when there are dads out there that won't take advantage of that time. I do hope that in the end your children know that they are loved by you and that you were fighting to have them in your lives.
Hello.. The sad truth is that its all about money...I got into a argument with my wife tonight while she was at a freinds house with my children while I was home trying to relax after a 60 hour work week when she drunk texted me evil things like im leaving, the kids love me not you, you care more about work than family, ect, ect, ect...But with me (like I assume most of you) my kids are me..they are my life...without them there is no pursuit of happiness. There is no happiness in my life at all if my children are being withheld from me..So to be completely honest I came here to convince myself that I can put up with whatever she does cause no one can put a value on my children they are far beyond more valuable than my soul or world peace! If you have Netflix watch divorce corp..if not..ask the people around you about their experiences with divorce. I was born and raised and still live in a small town of 5000 people and over half over the kids I grew up with had divorced parents and I know only a very few of young kids today that have parents who are still together..The children suffer when parents fight and argue..period......Hopefully tomorrow when I awake ill look at my phone and see a apologetic text blaming alcohol and stress and maybe we can move forward and put the past behind us.. but even know I pray for that text and sit here convincing myself that it will all be fine in the morning when sober heads prevail the real problem will still persist. We are not happy..and our unhappiness is eventually going to come to ugly end thats going to hurt and greatly affect that which I would do anything to protect. I truly believe im a good man.. I work hard..appreciate and respect my family and freinds..I send my wife sweet texts from work..I suprise her with romantic moments in which I declare my everlasting love..I listen when she needs to express her feelings, thoughts, hopes and dreams..Ive spent fifteen years working construction to provide for my family..all in all im A GOOD MAN. I truly beleive anyone who spends the time to google dad missing his kids and reads through the pain and suffering of others that are feeling the same is a GOOD FATHER and deserves to see his children not only deserves it but has the god given RIGHT. There are people who are willing to help you if you feel all alone and the whole justice system and hell even the whole world seem to be against you.. And try to remember that as children they are essentially powerless but as they grow they will want nothing more than to fill the hole that was ripped in them with your love.. The most powerful force in this world is the love that exists between a parent and a child and nothing can rip that from you no matter how slim or bleak it feels, seems, or is,that you will ever hold your child in your arms and whisper I love you in their ear. Try to see that as your loved one grows and begins to have the ability to make their own decisions as long as you always try and strive to be their parent they will always try and strive to be you child. Sorry this was so long..I miss my baby's very much and have to believe they miss me too.. thank you for taking the time to feel my pain and anger.
I feel your pain. I broke up with my ex 2 and half years ago and everytime I have to say goodbye to her and see her sad face i just want to cry my heart out. In fact my eyes are welling up just writing this. Your not alone in this, hang in there mate...
There needs to be a lot more sites like this. The fact that this website comes up first on a search engine hit says a lot about the terrible state of support for Men in our culture. Support for men, men's issues, and issues pertaining to their families is SADLY lacking online.
The lack of female support in general for men's issues also angers me greatly. This is a great site, and the support is fantastic, but its pathetic that there are so many support resources for women.
Enough is enough. They have PLENTY Of support......we do not.
Reading the opening paragraph helped me pour out the pain I feel everyday since the separation. I miss my little boy so much. The world is not good. In order to be there for him I have to pretend it is. What did I do to deserve this? Thank you for this site. I know there are a lot of us. We have to find ways of working with these emotions as people who were taught not to have any. At my worst I've felt the hysterical wailing rise in my throat and a primitive fear flashes through my mind. There's a beast coming to hurt my boy. I had to hit my head against the wall until it hurt enough to bring me down. No beast, no weapon to reach for, my son is safe with his mother. Just me in the mirror. Fighting back the word "Failure". The darkest word. The world is one shakey ground. People can't stay married. All a divorced dad can do is try to focus our strength on healing. Forgiving Her. Forgiving ourselves. Even though I want to spit when I say it. I can't sustain the hurt and hatred. Someday this won't feel like this. If there is anything good about being a man it is the depth of our strength and rationality. I think about all the men before me and what they lived through. May I be as strong as them, as good, as gentle. May all violence cease. May the family heal. May I always be close to my son.
Hey its been a year but tonight is the first time I let out the tears . Its amazing how alone and unfocused your life becomes when ur out of family home. I had it for 7 years but my X was always hard work. I have 2 amazing kids boy who is 7 and girl is 3. I have them every weekend and I know that's more than a lot of dudes here. With out my own mam I would have been in the gutter ... moving home at 35 broken in despair is where no man sees himself. It took me 12 monthsto come back mmentally but I'monly half the man I was before. I wish all the broken men here all the luck in the world a and hope ye find the peace ye need.
413 am. "miss my son" "ex keeping us apart" staring at the ceiling. There comfort and sadness knowing there is a site that fit the exact description. I miss my little man so much. I forget to breath during the day sometimes. It has only been a week and reading over how long it has been for alot of you daddys I only feel more desperation as time does not apear to be on my side. I don't know if someone is coaching her throw this since she has not let me see or talk to him since. We have talked about spitting up for some time. This was the one thing I feared the most and she promised would not happen, for our childs sake alone. I know he has no IDea why daddy is not around and fear he may feel an abandonment the longer this goes on. It is just so unfair, for me yes, but mailly for him. I'll send a prayer out for all of you Criminal Father's out there whos crime is wanting nothing more than to be in there child's life. Guilty as charged. A prayer this way would do some good
Thanks
it has been 8 months for me now, tears every day, suicide on the line, after promises and promises of happily ever after, after huge amounts of money spent on houses and renovations and cottages and trips and vacations, of a family first philosphy, in the absence of any type of abuse, threats, dysfunctional behaviours, gambling, drinking, infidelity, nothing, just pure open-heartedness, support and encouragement for her. after 18 years, my clinically diagnosed bulemic borderline depressed wife leaves me, takes our 2 beautiful daughters, and refuses me 50/50 shared custody, reducing me to seeing them 1 day/month, while i am hung out to dry on child support and future tuition bills, paying for her house, her vacations, her restaurants, and not a penny for me to take them to a lunch or a swimming pool or a mall. i now live to pay their bills, not a penny for a new life, a new woman, forced to live in a place i can barely afford, miles from my home. and those poor girls, with no-one to protect them from her depressions, from her splitting, her black and white, not even being aware of conditions that were always refused treatment to protect those around her. not a penny for me to pay the lawyers and the courts, she forced hundreds of thousands of real estate and savings losses on us.
and so i sit here, knowing the first 47 years of my life, 5 as the primary caregiver for the beautiful girls, taught them how to swim, how to ride a bike, how to fly a kite, how to kick a soccerball, how to paddleboard in the river, how to cook at the cottage, how to speak french.....those first 47 years were so beautiful and productive....and i know now that suicide is the only way for me to overcome this.
i do not have the strength inside me, to overcome the daily and hourly tears, the depression, the helplessness.
my life is over, it was a good one. why stick around?
it is easier to press the reset button.
I am a father of two kids and recently divorced. My children are my whole life. These past couple of months have been hard without being able to see them every day. I live in an empty house with a basement full of ask their toys that I can't seem put up in storage. It feels like if all their stuff is gone them they are truly gone from my life. I always have sacrificed for my family. Everything I have earned in life I earned for them I never wanted anything material, it was never important for me. So imagine my pain as my ex-wife chose to move on and to hear a lawyer day that custody was not likely for me because I am a military member and my ex is civilian. It doesn't seem fair for me. I've worked hard and sacrificed for so long and all I've earned was the chance to be alone and then travel 300 miles to see my kids for four days a month. It just isn't fair. How do you make cherished memories with your children in just two weekends a month. How do you teach your son what type of man he should grow to be in just four days a month. Ive always wanted to give my son the childhood my father gave me but I don't have that kind of time. I'm not afforded the opportunity to watch my children grow. My daughter looks different every time I see her. Childhood is so precious because it doesn't last that long and I'm missing it all because of a failed marriage. Crying and complaining doesn't help it just makes kills my self confidence and gives way to depression.I know many men would love the opportunity to be a free man and be a bachelor again but not me. I don't want life like this.
I moved out in June. My kids are 5 and 3. I see them on Saturdays, sometimes Sundays. The wife insists on coming along as she does not trust me with them. Neither do her parents which is why I moved out. I wasn't allowed to take my kids to the park across the street without permission. Child molesters have more freedom than I do with kids, and I'm a teacher who looks after kids all day! Go figure! It was getting super crazy. Anyways, I pick them up in my car and we usually go out for lunch and then to some shopping center for the rest of the day. I live in Japan so I feel very lucky I get to see my kids at all. Most fathers I know who have separated a Japanese women don't get to see their children as often as I do, but I still miss them. My son is losing his English, my daughter cannot speak English at all, only a few words. Their mother never speaks English to them, even though she can speak it almost fluently. I guess I'll have to improve my Japanese.
We haven't gotten divorced yet so I worry about how things might change. The wife says she doesn't want the kids to grow up without a father, but that could mean I get to see them once a month. Just hoping things get better, not worse. I miss seeing them everyday. Its been about 5 months. I imagined being a father would be awesome. Going to the park on weekends with my kids, taking them camping, and just doing everything my father did with me. I wasn't allowed to do anything, not even go to the park across the street, so I guess its better to find a less paranoid women and start over.
Just another dad missing his two young daughters who stumbled across this blog.
My wife decided she did not like me any longer after being married 14 years. She decided two young girls were better off being herded like cattle between two homes rather than working out our issues and staying a family. Kicking me out of the house in February 2014 was just a month after a great $8000 two week family vacation to Florida including five days at Disney World.
Three months after kicking me out of the house my "wife" pulled the "Let's work on our marriage" routine and suggested she move in to my new townhouse to "save money". Wife moved in under police escort, took a room upstairs, put a deadbolt on the door and called my new house "Marital Property" Once moved in, she started dating other guys and talking to new divorce attorneys. This last about a month and a half before she realized she would not get my house quickly or easily.
The prior three months we had swapped the girls every day and most weeks I kept them more than half of each week to allow their "birth mother" to run loose around town...
Soon after, she hires a nasty attorney and I go from having the girls 55% to 65% of the time, down to just two days a week.
We're 10 months into it and I've already spent $6000 on attorneys. Our next custody hearing is not for another three months, but every month I have to pay my attorney. I would not be surprised if I'll be $15,000 to $20,000 into it just to get less than I had originally.
My daughters "birth mother" calls the cops at least once a week for no reason. I've been handcuffed twice for no reason and they let me out after they realize they cuffed me for no reason other than her lies.
On the days I have the girls we go bike riding, surf fishing, trail walking in the local state parks, to Washington DC for the Zoo and Smithsonian museums, shopping, restaurants etc... When they stay with "Birth Mom" they watch TV and play on tablets.
The birth mom and I own a company together, but we no longer talk. We've both always worked. If I'm lucky, there will be no alimony, no child support and 50/50 joint custody, but even then, I'm missing out on half my girls childhood, have to ask permission every time I wish to leave our very small state, have to bring the girls back when the clock strikes 4:00 pm and sooner or later there will be step dads and boyfriends to deal with.
What sane woman breaks up a family because she's bored? We were making about $180,000 a year, went on great vacations and wanted for very little. Now she's living in a doublewide mobile home dating as many looser as she can to try to find my replacement and I'm in a small townhouse trying to put my life back together. Rather than having a $100,000 income this year it shrunk to around $40K because I'm in sales, and depressed sales people on a butt-load of prescription anti depressants don't make very good sales people.
I'm praying the custody hearing in three month gets me a few more days of "visitation" each week, but even then, this is not what I had planned for my life. All I wanted was the white picket fence, a few kids, the loving wife and some nice vacations.
Instead, we get "visitation" determined by the state and how much money each side spends on their attorneys.
If there is a hell, I hope their birth mother burns for eternity.
I miss my son. He's a year old. He's perfect. At this point I see him twice a week for an hour or so at a time. I work 40+ hours a week and spend every dime for him and his mom just like the rest of you do. My details arent important, but my tears and my hard work are. Im not currently, and never will be a millionaire. I'll never know what it's like to have a rich man's money. But I know the real treasure of a man's heart. Its little kisses and peals of laughter. I dont want anyone to feel sorry or bad for me or my situation. I could complain about the circumstances or his mother's choices but the truth is none of that will change the fact that one day when hes older, I can look my little man in the eye and he'll know his daddy did his damndest and broke his heart and his back just to get a few spare minutes with him. Id spend millions if i had it just for a moment with him. And so the struggle continues. Dads are strong because they choose to keep going. Humbly and gratefully we toil for our sons and daughters in the face of all of society's assumptions about who we are. At the end of the day I know that even if i never saw him again I did my best. I worked hard. And even when I got beat, my heart still beats for my little man.
No whining. No excuses. No blaming others. No claiming "nice guys finish last". No lists of all the good and bad. No pros and cons. Just humility and grattitude, because no man is promised tomorrow. Love them even when you're not with them.
I'm from south London England and soon it will be 4 Years since I've seen my 11 year old daughter and the pain has got no less, my eyes are filling with tears writing this , every day is a battle I'm trying to move on but can't despite having a new girlfriend of two years.. I just want to see my little girl , I'll never understand how a parent can carry on knowing there stopping there child seeing the other parent.
@barry sullivan
hang in there bro....i have been and am there too. you have to start seeing your life in chunks of time, and realize that at your daughters age, its a huge challenge for her too. but when she gets through the teenage years and becomes an adult, she will come around. you can count on it, and your ex wife wont be able to stop her. have positive thoughts, and try to get email access to her. that would help you alot.
stay strong bro.
Hi,
I am a single Dad with two young girls. I do have them half the time. The other half of the time, I am alone mostly. I am lonely. I have dated off and on since the divorce but nothing has worked out. I don't really have any close friends that live nearby with the exception of my two brothers but they are often busy with their lives. I was the one wanted out of the marriage but I wish I would have stayed and we would have worked on things. She lives with her fiance now and I have told her how I feel, short of begging for her to take me back. I am depressed and weekends I don't have the kids I sleep 14 hours a night. I am on anxiety and depression meds. I exercise, I don't drink. I just think the lack of connections, being lonely and sad I feel like the only reason I go on is because my kids need a father. Do I beg for her back? I'm going to finish my coffee and go for a long run see if that makes me feel any better.
I saw a picture of a girl that used to be my daughter today; it was on the Internet. Obviously, she was stoned on one drug or another. Seizing the opportunity to learn anything new, I browsed the site and saw more discouraging images - the painful kind that make it clear that my daughter is gone and she's never coming back.
As far as being the child of divorce, I doubt she ever realized that divorced parents weren't all like us. For the most part, her mom and I were best friends. We shared holidays at each others' homes' we celebrated victories together, suffered each other's defeats. If it wasn't for the fact that we were divorced, any casual observer would have only seen a mother and father raising their only daughter and, if they looked a little closer, they'd see the quintessential daddy's girl.
A decade passed and life was going well. Her teen years were being met with the expected angst and worry that every parent has but circumstances weren't as bad as we had anticipated. She was a straight A student, active in sports, caring, creative, and devoted to family. She was the girl who's Christmas wishes were always for other people.
Then a little lie. A tiny little nothing. She had missed a day of school and she and mom had taken a impromptu vacation day. No worries. Kids should have days like those once in a while. Not that I loved being excluded from the story but, heck... it's a mom and daughter thing. Maybe it was one of those things that dad's would make awkward.
The surprise came when I opened a letter from the school. She was borderline to being expelled for absences. Had to be a mistake so I called the school. Twenty days missed for "headaches" and it wasn't even Winter break. The next call was to mom. Then a line of secrets were exposed. They had been having fun instead of going to school.
It was nearing the time to buy a car. We agreed on the type of car we should look for: a good, dependable car that would last her through her college years. Something that wasn't so flashy or fast, something that would perform well for years and, obviously, something with a warranty. I was shocked when I learned that a unilateral decision had been made and a super fast, ten-year old sports car was sitting in the driveway at her mom's house.
Obviously, I was being brushed aside. Then the big one came: drugs. She admitted it to me while on a car ride home from school. Her mother had introduced her to them. They consumed them together. I was "no fun" and I had "too many rules." Her mom allowed her boyfriends to spend the night and sleep in her room. She and her friends were allowed to drink alcohol.
It wasn't long before my "rules" evolved into me being against her. Soon thereafter, the story became that I "walked out on her."
Today she lives an existence of drug consumption and alcohol. She believes I simply walked away because I didn't love her. She doesn't even remind me of the child I raised.
I know I'll have to admit defeat soon. I wanted, so badly, to believe all the people who said nice things like, "she'll come around;" "it's just a phase;" or, "when she learns better, she'll see the truth." It's not going to happen. My daughter is gone; she doesn't exist anymore. This new person has taken her place.
I miss her so very badly. Everyday. All day. She was my Punkin and I was her daddy. I have the old photos to prove that she existed.
Christmas is especially tough on me. I remember our last Christmas together. It was five-years ago. She's nineteen now. I wish I hadn't seen that photograph.
That last comment, brother your words are my fears. My ex has taken my fifteen year old from me, and denied any contact, because her boyfriend resents me...I work, he barely does, they lost a home and a car in the last two years. But now my daughter, who sneaks to speak to me every chance she gets, is apparently taking pills and sneaking drugs. I should mention here, my ex AND her boyfriend are on Methadone, and still I suspect doing some sort of drugs, and perhaps taking pain pills.
My every day is filled with pain, with loneliness from missing my Princess.
Everyone, including my therapist, whom im seeing due to suicide attempts, encourages me, telling me, when she can, she will come home. But I fear she is drifting away, and I will lose her, to drugs and depression. Her mother has had her forcibly confined to a mental facility three times, because she fights them, demanding to see me..Im at a loss, but I try, I try my hardest to do what the ex asks, and get what they need for my daughter, doing anything to placate her, just to get to see my child if only for a few minutes, but its hard, Im trying , but its so hard to hang on, to keep from doing what Ive tried to do already..
I'm a mother of a 5 month old and have recently split from his father. I stumbled across this page after searching the impact moving 2 hours away to live near family to support me, has on his dad. Whilst his dad has not been the kindest to me over the years, I am still concerned in regards to his feelings and I do care, I still love this man but I don't love how he is towards me and it breaks my heart to have to leave. He has not been around for us much but at the end of the day he is my sons dad and I would never in a million years stop him from seeing his son any time he choses, it's very hard reading these stories and brings a tear to my eye. I know his dad is hurting, and it hurts me, reading these have made me more determined to maintain a healthy relationship with my sons father and at the times his dad is not around, ensure my son knows how much he loves him
I Know here is for Dad's but I read the stories like Im reading my own story but Im a Mom.
After 5 years of shared custody that seem to work, my ex found a girlfriend & decided he wanted me out of the picture. The brainwashing & manipulation took my daughter away from me. I left this man because of his abusive behaviour & now i continue to be tortured
It Been a year she has moved out & during that year the visits slowly diminished to none. He has managed to make her believe everything is my fault. She doesnt speak to me anymore.
She is 15, i called her my velcro cuz she was always stuck to me.
It is s struggle everyday. I went from being the implicated Mom, to being the parent that took care care School, doctors appointements, soccer Mom to nothing, except a punching Bag. I was a single Mom, just me & my daughter & he offered her a brand new family with a gréât stepmom. A dad and two new siblings.
How are we supposed to go on living with out them? How are we supposed to creare a happy Life for us without Them.
Sorry if i intruded on your territory guys but thank you
I have been divorced for 5 years now, which was initiated by my X when we came on some financial difficulties. I have been on a roller coaster of depressed to extremely depressed ever since. We had two beautiful girls together and I had spent all my time and energy with them up until I was asked to leave, they were 4 and 6 at the time, they are 9 and 11 now. My girls adore me and I have always tried to be positive and outgoing with them. Their mother has always been verbally abusive to them and me, which continues to this day.. Over the last five years, I have had to work in the oilfields to afford living my life and supporting my girls, which is a sacrifice I have no problem making, but my X makes me feel guilty about not being around enough, so I continued to pour money to her. I am not a saint by any means and have my weaknesses as does everyone, but my girls have never seen me have a drink, smoke, or high, (activities i rarely engage in, only at time of great dispare) .. This working up north and flying back to my girls on my days off to stay in hotels for the week with them was somewhat working, until I was laid off. My X remarried since then and she has taking more control of the visitation situation, I had no money to fight her, up until I tried to move back to their town for work last year. I couldn't find enough work to support them and myself and eventally , over a year, self imploded into a huge Depression... She took the girls away from me and asked me to leave town, while in my depression she had me sign papers to change the girls last name to her new husbands name, which I did in my deminished state of mind and sadness.. I have been living with my parents for 7 months now, 44 friggin years old, and am not doing well at all! I am late in my child support payment (cannot find work) for the first time in 5 years and am being told I am useless by my X and now has convinced the girls the same... I dont know how to keep going on this way, 6 years ago I had my own business, investments, 2 university degrees, and two great children!! Now. I have to convince myself to get out of Bed!! I LOVE MY GIRLS SOOOO MUCH AND THEY KNOW IT!!!! My kids need me and I deserve them too!! Why is this happening... I do pray and am holding in there, but man this is very tough!
Yours ,
Hope to get back on feet
My daughters father and I have been split up for a couple of years now. We have always done 4 days at my house 4 at his even though we do have a custody agreement that only allows him every other weekend. It was never a problem with me for her to see her dad because that's her dad the main man in her life. Now that she is older this 4 day thing isn't working anymore she is having a hard time potty training and has started to act up when she returns. So I suggest she start having a more stable environment and stay with me and he can have her EVERY weekend and ALL holidays and ALL summer and he is accusing me of trying to hurt him. I dont understand im trying to do what is best for our daughter but he insist that im doing it to hurt him. Sorry dads I dont mean to invade. Just needed some insight.
I have two kids, a boy who is two and a girl who is one. Currently i am going thru a Divorce and live on my own. Like many of you i spend most nights sitting and looking at pictures if my kids. Sadley I surround myself with their toys to make me feel closer to them. My son thru a fit at daycare the other day and was asked why and he said he was sad, sad because daddy doesn't live at home. I moved a month ago and he has only stayed with me 3 nignts and my daughter i only get a few hours with a week. How do u comfort a dad when his son needs him and his daughter is just getting to know him and i am not allowed to see them more?
Its 11 am and the tears that started 4 days ago are still going my daughter is 7 and lives with her mom its a struggle i talked to her for 4 minutes yesterday with her mom hanging over her. Sad thing is we adopted her at 3 days old ( a dream and vision god gave me ) i found out that my wife was still married to someone else while doing the process she told me it had quote been taken care of she thought any i tried to make it work even though i felt betrayed. Since the divorce she has had complete control over my daugther even though we have joint custody she has slowly driven a wedge between me and my daughter and jas even moved her new boyfriend in he may have a 19 page rap sheet for drugs and stuff but noone seems to care. Christmas hurts im ready to just let her go because she didnt ask for this.
Hi
I'm reading your comment in 2015 and your blog spoke out to me.
I'm also in the UK and have 2 children like you, I am also a man of faith.
Don't want to say anything inappropriate, but I feel God is telling me to speak with you.
If you feel happy doing so, my email is phils2015@hotmail.com
Hope your well
Phil
First Christmas without kids and its ripping me apart. Cut long story short, 15 yrs of marriage, 3 kids, all hunky dory. Year 16, she flips, cheats on me with several guys (she denies it) I get diagnosed with Parkinson's but continue to work full time, hurts so much just getting out of bed but I carry on for her and the kids
So year 16, she wants divorce. Wants me out of house after Xmas, year on now and still fighting over house, shes turned kids against me, 2 days ago she agreed to let me into 'my house' for Xmas morning with kids. Now she suddenly changed her mind, says that won't do, Xmas day without kids, there are worse things in life but this is killing me, what makes a woman rip up a family and can see kids go through life damaging crap, cause she wants to be 'happy'....and she still isn't.
Well here it is again ! Wife of 3yrs took my two year old daughter and said I'm abusive . The reasons don't matter emotions are bullshit the truth is she has taken my little girl to collect a pay check from the Australian government and a cut of my wage she would prefer my kid has a lonely un loved life sho she can be independent I hate my ex now and feel very sad for my little girl who screamed and cried as she was taken out of my arms by a selfish Korean gold digger theres nothing I can do but hope my child is safe and cared for until I can get her back!
Odd, I searched "ex walked away from children and it hurts" and this was number 3. My ex manipulated and hurt me and my daughters. After 15 years my husband is able to adopt them tomorrow, yet I'm still hurt that me ex allowed this. Every search is about the dad's feelings... sadly no search helps me understand. Oh well
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