Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The most important words you can say

I apologize this blog has fallen by the wayside. I have been crazy this year and this blog suffered for it. I am taking steps to get this back to normal and have entries at least several times each week. Hang in there!
I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday and a startling truth was revealed. We were talking about how frequently her dad told her he loved her and how often he showed his love. The answer was "not often at all." My friend is in the same age bracket I am, and I see an adult woman who bears the marks of a dad who seldom spoke his love and his blessings. It breaks my heart.
My friend Ed Tandy McGlasson bases his entire ministry around this sad truth...that dad's define us as men or as women and without his blessing we drift through life trying to fill a hole that we never can quite fill.
I was explaining to my friend about a Father's day gift my daughter made for me when she was 4. It was a questionnaire. One question: "My daddy always tells me____"
My daughter's answer: "He loves me". My daughter knew, as early as 4 years old that here daddy loved her. The first thing that popped into her head when asked what phrase she hears the most form me was that I love her.
In the years since my ex wife remarried, my daughter has endured a lot of bad things. Her mothers husband is not a good man. Their situation is volatile and overbearing. But my daughter has gotten through this with her self esteem intact because she always knows her daddy loves her. cannot put a price tag on this. You can't fake it, you can't bypass it, and you can't substitute for it. And you seldom can undo the damage done in the lives of adult children if you withheld your blessing and your love. Conversely, if you give it, if you say it, and if you show build a strength and a reserve of confidence in your children that nobody can take away.
You don;t have to be there everyday to do this. You can call, you can send notes and letters. If your divorce situation precludes you being with your children every day you can still make sure they know. NOBODY can stop you from saying it, and showing it. Nobody except you.
Love your kids...