I've heard it said a thousand times that divorce is like death. I agree. I've lost a few people in my lifetime whom I loved and whom I've grieved. The emotions you feel, the five stages...all that is exactly the same in a divorce.
With one painful exception...
In a divorce, the person you lost and are grieving keeps rising from the dead every time you see her when you pick up your children or drop them off. Or when you see her at your child's violin recital or Little League game. Or when you call her to discuss a school issue.
They rise from the grave of memory to haunt your heart again. It's not that you want them back...it's the life they took when they left. It's not the nights you have your kids that make your heart ache...it's the nights you don't. It's the times you didn't tuck your daughter in and hear her prayers. It's the new man who took her training wheels off because she didn't happen to learn to balance on a two-wheeler on "your weekend".
Every time those things happen it rips the scab off the barely-healing gash in your heart and makes you bleed all over again.
I know...I get it. I've been there.
You don't so much grieve your ex-wife as you do being an ex-husband. More men than people realize, are defined by husbandship and fatherhood.
Men...it gets better. You will one day begin to separate the grief into it's rightful compartments. You will wake up one day and it won't hurt anymore when you see your ex-wife or hear her voice. It's bittersweet of course.
This blog, my book, and the new radio show are designed to talk about exactly these things. Because nobody is saying them out here in this wasteland. And we dads are tired of being haunted by ghosts that just won't die.
Please spread the word about this blog, and PLEASE join us 2/5/2012 at 9PM central (Yes I know it's Superbowl Sunday but the game should be over by then) for "DadMatter" on BlogTalk radio, the link is to the right...