Men,
This is a difficult post today. Mostly it's difficult because I can't give any details.
In every divorced dads life, there will come times when the temptation is to just walk away. It's not because we don't love our children, it's because the burdens we bear in silence can sometimes gang up on us and make it seem like just getting away from it would be better than staying. We have all the worries that intact dads do but we also have the added burdens of time restrictions, child support, visitation conflicts, and the bottomless feeling of being a dad but not having your kids with you all the time. Sometimes those things become too much and if that happens frequently enough men can be tempted to quit. Some men do and it does damage that can't be undone.
Today I was reminded of the need for staying put. it has not been an easy path for me these past 9 years. many times I thought how much happier I'd be at home in Philly with my family and friends and familiar surroundings. but today some events happened that made me glad I was here when my daughter needed me. She is okay, but her situation isn't. I am still here to lend stability and comfort and the feeling that her daddy will make it okay. I missed that growing up and I will not let her feel that same fear. I miss it now too. If there was ever a time in the 11 years I have been a dad, that I needed my father's wisdom and advice it is today. Maybe for the first time in my life I am mad at him for not being there today when I need him.
Stay Put men of God...stay put. Set your face like flint, as the bible says, and don't be moved.
Blessing to you all
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Every once in a While
(duplicated from my other blog...it's important)
Hey everyone...it's been a while.
I have been busy building chicken coops, cleaning pools, cutting grass. Pretty much anything to earn a dollar. I went home last week for some meetings and to go to the Italian Festival with my daughter. While we were there...God showed up in a simple yet profound way...let me explain.
Saturday afternoon, Morgan and I went to get dinner for ourselves and have a few minutes together. A week of hanging with her cousins didn't allow for much Daddy time and I was jealous.
We were pulling out of the shopping center...Capriotti's hoagie in hand...and we saw a homeless man holding up a sign and asking for help. You know the drill. Given where I've been, I can't drive past when I have the ability to help, even if it's a dollar and a kind word. The light changed before I could get my wallet out and for a second I thought about blowing it off and heading back to Tom's house. But God wouldn't let me and I instantly found out why. I told Morgan; "I need to go back and help that man" and I asked her if she minded and she said no. I was digging out my wallet and didn't notice her reaching into her pocket. she tapped me on the arm and handed me a small wad of cash. She had gotten $50 for her birthday and she had $42 left and she handed me all of it. I asked her what she was doing and she said she wanted to help the man. She hadn't even counted it...all that occurred to her was to give him everything she had. I was moved to tears right there in front of her. I couldn't even find words at first. I finally told her that I loved the way she was so unselfish about someone elses troubles and how God would bless her for her willingness to give everything she had. I compromised with her and let her add the $2 to the $10 I was going to give him. It was all I could do to speak. We drove back to the shopping center and pulled into the line and I signalled him to come over to our car. I handed him the $12 and told him I'd been where he is and I asked him his name and said it out loud back to him. (read my new book to find out why I did that...it matters) and he smiled and I told him God loves him deeply and this money was form Him, not me. He smiled and thanked us and we drove off.
And i have never been so proud as I was that afternoon. I have always been proud of my daughter but that day...she blew me away with her love and her Christ likeness.
I am a blessed man to be her dad. I'm glad God gave me the strength to hang in there, and not just bail out on her when things were tough. I hope God says the same about my faithfulness. There is no telling what God is going to do to the $40 she still has...
Hey everyone...it's been a while.
I have been busy building chicken coops, cleaning pools, cutting grass. Pretty much anything to earn a dollar. I went home last week for some meetings and to go to the Italian Festival with my daughter. While we were there...God showed up in a simple yet profound way...let me explain.
Saturday afternoon, Morgan and I went to get dinner for ourselves and have a few minutes together. A week of hanging with her cousins didn't allow for much Daddy time and I was jealous.
We were pulling out of the shopping center...Capriotti's hoagie in hand...and we saw a homeless man holding up a sign and asking for help. You know the drill. Given where I've been, I can't drive past when I have the ability to help, even if it's a dollar and a kind word. The light changed before I could get my wallet out and for a second I thought about blowing it off and heading back to Tom's house. But God wouldn't let me and I instantly found out why. I told Morgan; "I need to go back and help that man" and I asked her if she minded and she said no. I was digging out my wallet and didn't notice her reaching into her pocket. she tapped me on the arm and handed me a small wad of cash. She had gotten $50 for her birthday and she had $42 left and she handed me all of it. I asked her what she was doing and she said she wanted to help the man. She hadn't even counted it...all that occurred to her was to give him everything she had. I was moved to tears right there in front of her. I couldn't even find words at first. I finally told her that I loved the way she was so unselfish about someone elses troubles and how God would bless her for her willingness to give everything she had. I compromised with her and let her add the $2 to the $10 I was going to give him. It was all I could do to speak. We drove back to the shopping center and pulled into the line and I signalled him to come over to our car. I handed him the $12 and told him I'd been where he is and I asked him his name and said it out loud back to him. (read my new book to find out why I did that...it matters) and he smiled and I told him God loves him deeply and this money was form Him, not me. He smiled and thanked us and we drove off.
And i have never been so proud as I was that afternoon. I have always been proud of my daughter but that day...she blew me away with her love and her Christ likeness.
I am a blessed man to be her dad. I'm glad God gave me the strength to hang in there, and not just bail out on her when things were tough. I hope God says the same about my faithfulness. There is no telling what God is going to do to the $40 she still has...
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Giving God What We Seek from Him
Hey men…sorry it’s been so long. Lot’s going on right now. I hope all you guys are well and taking great care of your quiver of arrows.
I was sitting in church this past Sunday and thinking about my relationship with God. Having only met my father once, and having no relationship with him whatsoever, my relationship with God suffered mightily. We all tend to project onto God, the images we carry of our fathers. If our dads were approachable and loving, we see God as someone to take our troubles to and a safe haven. If our fathers were difficult and distant, we typically aren’t men of prayer because we never saw a pattern of a father who answers our requests.
This Sunday I was considering that, and considering also, how God has removed that thought pattern from me. It took a lot of time…many years in fact…and it took a lot of breaking. When it all boils down to soup and nuts, the wall started to crumble when I started giving to God, that which I desired to receive from him. I needed His love and blessing. I needed to feel His presence. I needed to hear Him tell me He loves me. I needed to be able to see Him as my Father. So one day I began…haltingly, and very much against my will…to offer those things back to Him. I reasoned it like this; the fastest way for my daughter to hear me tell her I love her is to say it to me. I tell her several times each day, but if she ever needs it “right now” she never has to beg, or plead, or perform. She just walks into the room and says “I love you daddy” and the response will always be “I love you too sweetheart” followed by a hug. It never fails. Hearing her tell me that she loves me sends me a signal that she needs to hear it to, and I reciprocate. She sends me a child sized portion and I return an adult sized.
The same works for our relationship with God. The changes came for me, when I forced my hands up in praise, when I made myself say…through clenched teeth at first… “I love you” and when I began to praise Him. I needed a Father…I prayed to become His child. I realized that I had never once in my life felt like a son. (At least not until I meat Bob and Pop.) So I asked Him to show me how to be His son. I started calling Him “father” and it was foreign at first. But He broke through. He took my stumbling step of faith and blessed it and used the open door to heal my heart. My relationship with Him is a thousand times better. I am blessed.
Men…learn a valuable lesson from your children. When they need your love, they give you theirs. Practice this with your Heavenly Father and watch what happens.
I was sitting in church this past Sunday and thinking about my relationship with God. Having only met my father once, and having no relationship with him whatsoever, my relationship with God suffered mightily. We all tend to project onto God, the images we carry of our fathers. If our dads were approachable and loving, we see God as someone to take our troubles to and a safe haven. If our fathers were difficult and distant, we typically aren’t men of prayer because we never saw a pattern of a father who answers our requests.
This Sunday I was considering that, and considering also, how God has removed that thought pattern from me. It took a lot of time…many years in fact…and it took a lot of breaking. When it all boils down to soup and nuts, the wall started to crumble when I started giving to God, that which I desired to receive from him. I needed His love and blessing. I needed to feel His presence. I needed to hear Him tell me He loves me. I needed to be able to see Him as my Father. So one day I began…haltingly, and very much against my will…to offer those things back to Him. I reasoned it like this; the fastest way for my daughter to hear me tell her I love her is to say it to me. I tell her several times each day, but if she ever needs it “right now” she never has to beg, or plead, or perform. She just walks into the room and says “I love you daddy” and the response will always be “I love you too sweetheart” followed by a hug. It never fails. Hearing her tell me that she loves me sends me a signal that she needs to hear it to, and I reciprocate. She sends me a child sized portion and I return an adult sized.
The same works for our relationship with God. The changes came for me, when I forced my hands up in praise, when I made myself say…through clenched teeth at first… “I love you” and when I began to praise Him. I needed a Father…I prayed to become His child. I realized that I had never once in my life felt like a son. (At least not until I meat Bob and Pop.) So I asked Him to show me how to be His son. I started calling Him “father” and it was foreign at first. But He broke through. He took my stumbling step of faith and blessed it and used the open door to heal my heart. My relationship with Him is a thousand times better. I am blessed.
Men…learn a valuable lesson from your children. When they need your love, they give you theirs. Practice this with your Heavenly Father and watch what happens.
Friday, May 15, 2009
The High Road
Dads...
I've been learning the valuable lesson of not letting bitterness get a grip on me. I sure could have, because Lord knows my ex certainly put me through the ringer once she met her current husband. All the worst stuff you hear guys going through. Constant battles for more child support, personal attacks, him not being able to handle the fact that his wife was married before and has a child with someone else and that man will always be a small part of her life.
But I took the high road for the most part and lately it's been paying off. I'm glad I never sunk to the depths that they did. I'm glad I didn't say all the terrible things I could have said, and put my daughter in an untenable position.
My ex has needed a friend lately and oddly enough she has turned to me. We aren't going for margaritas and fondue at Applebees, but we are talking freely about Morgan and that is a good start. Morgan needs us to be friends. Guys...take the high road of civility and Christ-likeness. You won't be sorry.
I've been learning the valuable lesson of not letting bitterness get a grip on me. I sure could have, because Lord knows my ex certainly put me through the ringer once she met her current husband. All the worst stuff you hear guys going through. Constant battles for more child support, personal attacks, him not being able to handle the fact that his wife was married before and has a child with someone else and that man will always be a small part of her life.
But I took the high road for the most part and lately it's been paying off. I'm glad I never sunk to the depths that they did. I'm glad I didn't say all the terrible things I could have said, and put my daughter in an untenable position.
My ex has needed a friend lately and oddly enough she has turned to me. We aren't going for margaritas and fondue at Applebees, but we are talking freely about Morgan and that is a good start. Morgan needs us to be friends. Guys...take the high road of civility and Christ-likeness. You won't be sorry.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Happy Birthday Morgan...
Today is my daughters 11th birthday.
11 years ago today, at exactly 10PM, I was blessed beyond measure. I was given a gift that night, that I could not possibly comprehend at that moment. I loved her instantly...before she was born even...and that love grows stronger each day. If I have it...it's hers. If she needs it...I will find a way. If She dreams it...I will launch that dream or die trying. That's what dads do. My little arrow is another year closer to flight. I am another year closer to launching her through tears and a mildly broken heart. I am fascinated by her immense intellect and her love for God. She makes me smile from 15 miles away. My life revolves around the next time we'll see each other. She is getting to the point where I have to tell her "I love you", quieter now when I am dropping her off at school. Hugs aren't as freely given in public. But that's the way of things, and I find it amusing.
My daughter is eleven today and I have never been so proud of any accomplishment in my life as I am of the young lady she is becoming. God is faithful to His promises.
Happy Birthday Morgan...
I love you!
(Your friends don't read my blogs...so it's safe!)
Daddy
11 years ago today, at exactly 10PM, I was blessed beyond measure. I was given a gift that night, that I could not possibly comprehend at that moment. I loved her instantly...before she was born even...and that love grows stronger each day. If I have it...it's hers. If she needs it...I will find a way. If She dreams it...I will launch that dream or die trying. That's what dads do. My little arrow is another year closer to flight. I am another year closer to launching her through tears and a mildly broken heart. I am fascinated by her immense intellect and her love for God. She makes me smile from 15 miles away. My life revolves around the next time we'll see each other. She is getting to the point where I have to tell her "I love you", quieter now when I am dropping her off at school. Hugs aren't as freely given in public. But that's the way of things, and I find it amusing.
My daughter is eleven today and I have never been so proud of any accomplishment in my life as I am of the young lady she is becoming. God is faithful to His promises.
Happy Birthday Morgan...
I love you!
(Your friends don't read my blogs...so it's safe!)
Daddy
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Constantly checking...
It is 7:50 AM in Nashville. Like most mornings I woke up and my daughter isn't here and I miss her. I miss the feeling that my child is in the house with me...that I will take her to school, or to some fun place we wanted to go. I miss hearing her voice and seeing her smile.
She will be 11 years old next week. It is hard to imagine that 11 years have already come and gone and I am less than 7 years from seeing her go off to college. It all goes by so quickly. I am always reviewing my plans for her. Always running down an internal watch list...constantly checking. Have I been the best man I could be in front of her? Have I told her "I love You" enough times? Have I done my best? Have I prayed hard enough...long enough...fervently enough? Have I lived with integrity? If she marries a man like me someday...will I be okay with that, or will I dread it?
I only get one shot and no crash test dummies or do-overs. I have to do my best to get my arrow ready to fly. Have I made my mark in her life? Or have I left a mark?
She will be 11 years old next week. It is hard to imagine that 11 years have already come and gone and I am less than 7 years from seeing her go off to college. It all goes by so quickly. I am always reviewing my plans for her. Always running down an internal watch list...constantly checking. Have I been the best man I could be in front of her? Have I told her "I love You" enough times? Have I done my best? Have I prayed hard enough...long enough...fervently enough? Have I lived with integrity? If she marries a man like me someday...will I be okay with that, or will I dread it?
I only get one shot and no crash test dummies or do-overs. I have to do my best to get my arrow ready to fly. Have I made my mark in her life? Or have I left a mark?
Sunday, April 26, 2009
NEW BOOK
My new book is finished and ready for purchase!
It's called "Nowhere to Lay My Head...the Secret Confessions of a Homeless banker"
It's about the mortgage meltdown, foreclosure, homelessness, and loss. All things I experienced in the last 18 months. It's also about hope deferred and hope restored. About overwhelming failure and sadness...and about the grace that only God can show.
It's a wonderful tory and I hope you'll consider it. You can click the link in my link list or go to
http"//stores.lulu.com/craigsdsbooks
It's called "Nowhere to Lay My Head...the Secret Confessions of a Homeless banker"
It's about the mortgage meltdown, foreclosure, homelessness, and loss. All things I experienced in the last 18 months. It's also about hope deferred and hope restored. About overwhelming failure and sadness...and about the grace that only God can show.
It's a wonderful tory and I hope you'll consider it. You can click the link in my link list or go to
http"//stores.lulu.com/craigsdsbooks
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