Love and Hope for Divorced and Single Dads. You're amongst friends here.
I am going threw a divorce now for over a year. my wife got temporary custody of my three daughter of which two have begged me not to leave them with her. the chances are not in my favor to get custody and my wife has made it clear she will not let them go. It has been weeks since i have seen them and when i do i was only aloud to see two of them for a hour. I am devastated and horrified that i will not get them. I cry night after night and get no sleep, i am battling pancreatic cancer and my kids are the most important thing to me. It hurts so bad.
I am not a dad. In fact I am not a man. I am now a wo-man. But I once was a little girl with a daddy who lived in a different place called cape cod. In fact my parents divorced when I was one. And my mother got custody. However my dad got visitation....but since we lived so far my visits got condensed to summer, Christmas , thanksgiving , and sometimes February vacation. Now what I know from being the child is this: My dad loved me more than the world and even though I was hours away I felt it. I actually felt it more than my mother who was in the next room. He drove 4 hours to pick me up and drop me off! He taught me to play catch (which I'm pretty good at for a chick) He held my hand and cried when we said goodbye or hello. He hugged me. He LISTENED to me and told me to always talk to him about anything. (Poor guys probablly traumatized because I always told him everything) We built trust. How did this work out. Well when I was 15 I got tired of my stepdad being mean to me and hurting me. I got tired of never getting hugs from my mom and being the built in babysitter. I packed my bags and got a bus and moved to my dad. And I lived with him from then on. My mother refused to talk to me but I was finally HOME. I am my father's only child and I at 34 now live in the same town and see him every weekend . He is still my best friend. I am telling you all this because even if your children aren't with you if you show them love they will feel it! Even if it's not every day or every week. Please don't give up because your hurting , please don't let the sadness of having to walk away prevent you from loving them at all. Be grateful and do your best with what you have to work with, and things will get better....your children will see it and feel it and they will want more of you.....and if your able they may speak up in court as to their desires and hopefully you will have more time together. But I know this as a daughter of divorce. It's not the parent that is living with you that matters , it's the one who is loving you while you are there even if it's just a beautiful day. It got me through all my pain. My memories of my dad!
I am in the same room. With my kids right now as I write this... My wife and I are seperated but have been living in the same home for over a year. This arrangement is over as of tomorrow as we take the next step and move into different homes. These homes are heart breakingly an hour away from each other. And even though I am laying here next to my 2 boys right now and my daughter in bed near by, I find myself up at 4am crying and feeling depression trying to consume me. I can't see how I'm every going to find happiness with only seeing my 3 kids 8 days a month. They literally are all I have lived for these past 8 years. The ex is the one who turned to me one day and said "I don't feel like trying anymore in a relationship. I just want to be friends". I apparently wasted 10 years trying to make my ex happy and now I fear my children and I will lost a big part of our Bond. I wont get to cuddle with them Every night or tell them stories, or sing them to sleep. I won't always be there when they get hurt or need my special touch. I am crushed and I don't know how to cope with this.
I just can't even put into words the pain I feel I pray a lot and I need to put God first. My kids are a gift from God. It must have been the hardest thing to let Jesus suffer like he did. It just shows how truly weak man is. I love my children and thank God I feel this pain.all I ask is he blesses them and keeps them safe. From heartbroken dad
I am a wife of a man who went through this for his daughters childhood, and now, she is an adult and completely cut him off. He is such a wonderful man, i really have no idea why she wants nothing to do with him. I feel like it's slowly killing him and I don't know how to help.
It was such a blessing to find this blog tonight and know I was not the only one struggling with this. My wife left three months ago, and is constantly using the kids (ages 2 and 6) as leverage against me. I have found myself coping by working two full time jobs and avoiding being at home. Well tonight was one of the few nights that I was home and sitting in this empty house by myself. It amazes me how you miss the things that you never think you would like homework or sleepless nights because one of the kids doesn't feel well. I would do anything to stay awake and comfort them now, or to have a little wiggle worm in the bed with me. It just seemed like tonight the reality really set in. Fortunately I found this blog. I know it will never get easier, and may get worse at times, but it makes it much easier when you know you are not alone. It is great to be able to read other people's stories from across the world without it being the typical stereotype of men to hide their feelings. These have helped me more than many of you will ever know some have even made me chuckle a little bit because the stories are so similar to mine. I greatly appreciate it. From a lonely Dad in Georgia
There is no sound louder than the silence of your home, without your sons x
The only thing I want in life is to see my son I know ex takes very good care of my son it's been a very long time almost 18 years since I seen my son I miss him very much you could never replace your son I love him I love you Justin. Ralph your dad I will always be there for you if you ever need anything I will love you if you don't love me
A little over two years ago I left my wife after almost 25 years of marriage. It had been a bad marriage for many years, and I just couldn't do it anymore. I thought my kids, age 18 and 16, would be old enough to understand there were issues in the marriage and handle it okay.I didn't know if I'd ever meet anyone else, but I had to try. Just one month after leaving, I met a woman and we both knew instantly we were meant to be together. This was quite unexpected, and appeared to be an amazing stroke of luck. It was also quite unexpected that she was much younger than me (56 and 29).As it turned out, this was all too much for my kids to handle. My leaving after all those years with no warning...starting a new relationship right away...and with someone so much younger that seemed disgusting to them.Before long, they stopped speaking to me. That made me feel betrayed, disrespected, unappreciated, angry, etc., etc. Through e-mails and texts, I tried to use logic and reason with them. I tried to get them to communicate. I sometimes lashed out with my anger.I realized recently that I had given them too much to handle. I should have been more patient. I should never have expressed any anger to them. But it's too late. I haven't seen them in 14 months. I'm very afraid that I may never see them again. And even if I do, I don't know how long it will be till that happens. And even then, I may just have a very cursory relationship with them.I can't handle this. I don't know how I can cope. Without my kids, nothing else matters. Leaving was the biggest mistake of my life. I just wanted to be happy, but now I'm in a living hell. I would even reconcile with my ex, and leave my new wife whom I love, just to get my kids back. That may sound crazy, and it's also highly improbable, but as I said, without my kids nothing else matters.I will no longer make any negative or angry comments to the kids. I will no longer try to explain or reason with them. I will only send them positive messages. And I will try to be patient and hope that sooner or later they will allow me back into their lives. Besides that, does anyone have any suggestions how I can get them back? And how I can cope in the mean time?
I have a 17 yr old who lives with his Mother an hour away from me. I barely make enough money to pay my bills. I don't see him often, maybe once a month. His mother and I split when he was 2, I raised him until he was 12. He then wanted to live with her bc she wasn't in his life much of those 10 years.she agreed, so he moved with her. These last 5 years are hurting so bad. I missed his high school days and everything else that yeens go through. How do I cope? Wish I knew.
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