Thursday, April 9, 2009

Accidental Moments...

I heard Dr. Laura yesterday on Focus on the Family and she used this term. I was very moved by it. She spoke of being there for our kids on a consistent, constant basis. Then we are more likely to witness "accidental moments" when they say something, or do something unplanned and priceless. I remembered my first such accidental moment with my daughter. Holly was 7 months pregnant at the time and I was in the habit each night of talking to Morgan via a paper towel tube pressed against Holly's tummy. I would say "Hi's your daddy...I love you and I can't wait to see you..." I did this every night for months. The night in question as we lay there I leaned over and said "Hi's your daddy..." and she kicked. She kicked quite pronounced in fact. Holly and I laughed and cried at the same time. My daughter wasn't even born yet and she recognized my voice and was excited to hear from me.
As a divorced dad it is harder to have those moments because our time is limited. So we have to work harder at developing real intimacy with our kids. We have to know them. We have to know what questions to ask to get a conversation going. Every person, young or old, likes to talk about the things they love and are passionate about. If I know what she loves, I know what to talk about. Then I can know her even more. Then she really feels like she matters to me. You can learn that and do it, or you can see your kids growing up and growing away from you. Someone is going to listen and someone is going to answer those difficult life questions. If it isn't me...then I have no right to complain about the results. I have to work much harder for my accidental moments...but that's part of my job too. Join me dads.

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