Monday, August 4, 2008

"...You Can't Hide from the Emptiness Inside"

Today is Monday August 4. Morgan went home to her mom's yesterday after church. So today is traditionally my unhappiest day of the year. I met her mom's husband at McDonald's and she got in his car and they went home. I went riding around and avoided going to my house for a long time. My place always echoes in silence when she leaves. This summer has been the worst one we've shared in our ten years together, at least from a standpoint of what we did. We only got home once, we didn't travel much. There was an undercurrent of stress and concern about my financial situation. Perhaps the hardest thing we faced this summer was accepting the fact that she wasn't going to go to the private school she got accepted to. Her heart was set on attending this school and it's the best school in the area and she is perfect for it. We decided to pray every day, morning and night, for God to provide a miracle, but He has not. She accepted it and I made sure she understood that if God was saying "No", He had something better in mind. But the crap hole she will be attending is not my idea of "something better" and I don't understand God right now. But I have learned that He always has a plan and He is always in control. So I will trust him and show Morgan that she can trust Him too.
Last night when I finally went home, I laid down on the couch and cried. I always do when she goes home after my summer with her. Summer is over now...bring on the winter. I love summer. It is my favorite time of year and always has been. But when she is gone so is my fun. I missed her so much last night. I hear her voice and I see her sweet smile and I laugh at her jokes and I read her stories in amazement that my little girl is capable of such immense greatness. Bruce once wrote "well if the world was mine to do with what I want to do sir...I'd wrap it up in a ball and give it all to her" Ditto. She is the sum total of everything I have ever done right. She represents the completion of every dream I have. She is my everything. I adore her. I miss her today and I can't wait to see her again next week. I am thankful for the time I do have with her and for the wonder she brings me.
I Love You Morgan.


No comments: