The most important words you can say

Men,
I apologize this blog has fallen by the wayside. I have been crazy this year and this blog suffered for it. I am taking steps to get this back to normal and have entries at least several times each week. Hang in there!
Now...
I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday and a startling truth was revealed. We were talking about how frequently her dad told her he loved her and how often he showed his love. The answer was "not often at all." My friend is in the same age bracket I am, and I see an adult woman who bears the marks of a dad who seldom spoke his love and his blessings. It breaks my heart.
My friend Ed Tandy McGlasson bases his entire ministry around this sad truth...that dad's define us as men or as women and without his blessing we drift through life trying to fill a hole that we never can quite fill.
I was explaining to my friend about a Father's day gift my daughter made for me when she was 4. It was a questionnaire. One question: "My daddy always tells me____"
My daughter's answer: "He loves me". My daughter knew, as early as 4 years old that here daddy loved her. The first thing that popped into her head when asked what phrase she hears the most form me was that I love her.
In the years since my ex wife remarried, my daughter has endured a lot of bad things. Her mothers husband is not a good man. Their situation is volatile and overbearing. But my daughter has gotten through this with her self esteem intact because she always knows her daddy loves her.
Men...you cannot put a price tag on this. You can't fake it, you can't bypass it, and you can't substitute for it. And you seldom can undo the damage done in the lives of adult children if you withheld your blessing and your love. Conversely, if you give it, if you say it, and if you show it...you build a strength and a reserve of confidence in your children that nobody can take away.
You don;t have to be there everyday to do this. You can call, you can send notes and letters. If your divorce situation precludes you being with your children every day you can still make sure they know. NOBODY can stop you from saying it, and showing it. Nobody except you.
Love your kids...

Tenth Anniversary edition...

No...I haven't been blogging for ten years. Not even close. But today is my tenth anniversary. Ten years ago today, I walked out of Davidson County 4th circuit court, into the bright winter sunlight, and I wasn't married anymore. Ten years. It's taken most of those years just to adjust to the divorce and accept the hurt and disappointment. I long ago stopped missing my ex wife but Dang...I miss being married. I miss the feeling that I really matter to someone. I miss...as selfish as this might sound...getting a Christmas present from someone who I am not related to by blood. It's not the present itself...it's the thought that goes into it. The idea that somebody was walking around in the mall or wherever and out of their deep, intimate knowledge of me and abiding love, they bought me something I really would enjoy. It's been 12 years since I received a gift like that. I miss mattering to somebody. I miss feeling complete in the way only marriage completes people. I miss dreaming dreams for someone and making plans and then working hard to see them come true. Working harder for their dreams than for my own. I miss my daughter an awful lot. Once a week and every other weekend has marked our relationship for 10 years now.
The future looks brighter, I am happier than I have ever been. But I will never get those ten years back. I wish I could. I will have to settle for using them to help other dad's like me. Have a great day, boys.

The Journey of a Dad and a Daughter...

My daughter will be twelve years old in may. It raced by in a little less than a blink.
I am a huge fan of Ed Tandy McGlasson. His ministry to dads is amazing and so absolutely driven by God.
One of the main points to Ed's teaching is his "calling forth" or kids to adulthood. He teaches that part of a dad's job is to guide our kids to that moment when we see adulthood in them and declare them such.
My daughter is heading there...perhaps too soon for my liking but on heading there nonetheless. This past week we began a study series...just her and I...about the things that will become more and more important as she reaches adulthood. Things like character, godliness, integrity, faith, wisdom, purity, and Christlikeness, to name a few. With each week, and with each study, she is walking towards adulthood and learning from her daddy...and God's word...what those words all mean and how important they are in our lives. I am building a foundation with her. A foundation that she will build her life on after she is grown and gone on to become who God has called her to be. before that happens...her daddy is calling her forth to adulthood and teaching her what that means.

Back from the Cave!!!

Hi men! I hope you have enjoyed the Caveman series. It was a very challenging series to write.
But it's time to get back to what this blog was set up to do...minister to divorced dads. So we will be getting back to work this week. I am preparing a set of lessons for my daughter and I think I am going to share them here for you guys to use as a resource. I'll explain in my next post...it's good to be back.

IMPORTANT

Until the conclusion of "The Caveman Chronicles, please click the link to my other blog. I am running The Caveman Chronicles on both sites.
www.shinnyandshavings.blogspot.com

The Caveman Chronicles...

I have decided to run this new series on both blogs because I think it will be good for both audiences...
Hey gang... long time no see.
It's been a long summer and not a very good one. In some ways I am glad it's over. Two disappointing summers in a row now and I am only anticipating next summer mildly at the moment. The economy is still awful and I have just plain given up on the mortgage business. The bright spot...and for me it is very bright indeed...is that making no money last year entitled me to a large grant from the government so I have returned to college. I am once again, a Liberty University student through their online program. Converting my degree to a Bachelors in Religion. I will graduate in October of next year and will stay in the program through May of 2011 and walk with that class with a Masters of Theological Studies. The goal is to latch onto a teaching gig at a local Christian School here or maybe a teaching position at a college in town. My summers would still be free for Morgan and I could pursue writing and at least have a base salary and some benefits. Actually I think I will enjoy teaching quite a bit.
Now...The Caveman Chronicles
This is going to be a long running series of posts. I haven't set a time limit but I can see this going on every day for a month or more. Today I will set the backdrop.
Last week...Wednesday to be exact...I met a guy here in Franklin. He is a guy of about my age and, like me, he isn't from here originally. He was a bit blustery and verbose and deeply thoughtful and I liked him right away. We talked a bit while most everyone else in the room smiled pleasantly and then proceeded to ignore him. He is a very interesting guy and extremely intelligent. What startled me and drew my interest to the point that it made me gasp, is that he told me he lives in a cave.
A real, genuine, hole-in-the-rocks cave. He has been there for about 11 years now. I asked him how many people knew this and he said nobody in this area even knew there was a cave around here...much less a man living in it. He told me were it was and I recognized the area. "You're right", I told him, "I never realized there was a cave there."
We sat down and talk. We talked until the wee hours and much of the next day. We are still talking some now and he is aware that I am writing this series about his life in this cave. I found it fascinating and very thought provoking. The coming posts will hopefully capture you as investigating them captured me.
See you tomorrow

Nothing new

Haven't had much to say of late. Lot's of pressure. Mortgage industry is awful and I am out of it again...this time never to return. I would honestly rather live in my car again than have my heart ripped out by the never ending see saw that this business has become.
But I am ready to start writing here so next week we will resume our regular broadcasts.
C