"My daughter is my pride and joy!" How many times have you heard that phrase about someones child, be it daughter or son? We throw it around like confetti at a parade; it's nice, but we long-ago stopped paying attention to what it is we were really saying. Think about it for a second...Pride and Joy.
Last night Morgan had a strings recital at her school. She started playing violin this year. Now from the outside, it probably looked like 30 fifth graders drawing bows roughly across a variety of stringed instruments and producing a sound that vaguely resembles music. To a dad it was the London Philharmonic playing Handel's Messiah. This was their second recital for the school year and the difference was already quite remarkable. They played some basic tunes and then the band director turned to the audience and announced it was time for some solos. He announced the children one at a time and upon hearing their name, each child stood and played a brief tune. I almost jumped from my seat when he announced, about halfway through the solos, "Morgan Daliessio!" Morgan was unruffled, (we found out afterward that the instructor told no one in advance they were soloing) stood poised and played a near perfect "Jingle Bells". I was elated and let out a whoop after snapping pictures of her masterpiece from every possible angle. Alison Krauss couldn't have done any better...in fact maybe I'll ask her in church this Sunday. (Just kidding Alison, your crown is intact for another year or so!)
I was so proud. Probably annoyingly so to the other moms and dads, but I am usually the biggest in the room so it's not a problem. I was also very very happy. Pride and Joy That's what our kids do for us. In that instant I had an epiphany of what the Psalmist meant when he spoke of a man having a "full quiver" of children as being happy. I can't imagine how happy I'd be to have more than one child gracing this world with beauty and musical ability. I'd likely burst.
I am so proud of my daughter. She is like her own sun in a little galaxy. Always smiling, always funny, always inquisitive and always leaving me scratching my head at all that she comprehends and ponders in that 10 year old mind. Her love for God is infectious. Her sense of humor is raucous and contagious. Her compassion is mature beyond her years and her basic goodness of heart leaves me amazed. She fills my soul with wonder. She makes me proud and brings me joy. I think this must have been how God felt, (to an infinitely greater degree of course) when He opened heaven after Jesus came up out of the water upon being baptized by John, and said "This is my beloved son, I am very pleased with him".
Even God found pride and joy in His son.
These holidays are tough for divorced dads, particularly if, like me you have an arrangement that doesn't give you shared time every Christmas. We alternate Christmases because of our families being distant, so this year I won't have my daughter at all on Christmas. When you get lonely and miss your kids, remember the pride and joy they bring. Remember also dads, you are directly responsible for who and what they are, and the kind of pride and joy they are bringing. Enjoy the great memories and laugh to yourself all over again at the wonderful things they have done through the years. And plan some more. They are our pride and joy, those children of ours. Regardless of whatever failings got us to single fatherhood, we are still daddy, and they still make us smile, and make our chest swell just a bit.
Merry Christmas
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
It's Here! It's Here!!!
Hey folks...here's the big news of the day.
My first book, "Sometimes Daddies Cry" is available NOW through LuLu Publishing. If you're a fan of this site, a divorced dad, or you know one, this is for you. It's a very personal, very moving story of my own journey from the devastation of divorce and the effects that has on my fatherhood, to the healing I've found on my way. It was a long, arduous road and it was a painful path...but the end result was a vision for other guys like me. There is hope.
I found it, and share the source within the pages of
"Sometimes Daddies Cry"
Here is the link: http://stores.lulu.com/sometimesdaddiescry
My first book, "Sometimes Daddies Cry" is available NOW through LuLu Publishing. If you're a fan of this site, a divorced dad, or you know one, this is for you. It's a very personal, very moving story of my own journey from the devastation of divorce and the effects that has on my fatherhood, to the healing I've found on my way. It was a long, arduous road and it was a painful path...but the end result was a vision for other guys like me. There is hope.
I found it, and share the source within the pages of
"Sometimes Daddies Cry"
Here is the link: http://stores.lulu.com/sometimesdaddiescry
Thursday, December 4, 2008
The Power of a Bent Bow
Hey dads.
resuming this blog here. It's been hectic around here lately, starting a new job, finishing the Divorce book and starting a new book on my recent time living homeless.
I had a tremendous response to my advance copies and I am almost ready to launch the divorce book.
The title is, of course, "Sometimes Daddies Cry" and it is already effecting guys who have read it. The release should be sometime in January, which would allow me time to release the homeless book and do some press promo for it. Then I can focus on getting the word out about the divorce book. In the interim, I may sell it online. I'll let everyone know.
I was thinking this morning as I was walking. Thinking about a blog topic I wrote about several months ago called "Broken Arrows and Missed Targets". It's on my other blog (shinnyandshavings.blogspot). The essence is how dads are the bow that launches their arrows into the flight that will take them down their appointed path in life. David refers to children as arrows in a quiver. That makes me an archer. right? It also makes me the bow. I am here to know my little arrow as well as I possibly can, and when the time comes, launch her toward the exact target God has in mind for her...the target she was intended for before the world began.
It got me thinking about bows, and being a bow. Not a compound bow...which I shoot. But a straight bow like David would have shot, and like he had in mind when he wrote the verses describing children as arrows and by implication, dads as bows.
A straight bow is actually powerless when it is straight. It has potential energy when it is straight but it only gets it's real kinetic energy when you bend it, and connect one end with the other via the bowstring. Once the bow is bent, it has tremendous power to be drawn back and send an arrow on its' flight.
Bending is so essential for dads. We must bend in prayer for our little arrows all the time. We must bend in prayer when they see us and when we are alone with God. Only when we allow God to bend us and harness our power can we be ready to launch our arrows. That brings up point number 2...as a bow, we attain our maximum power only when we let God bend us and harness that power. A bow with no string is a stick...nothing more. The string restrains the ends and forces the straight bow into it's gentle arc where the power is. Surrendering to the bending and restraining our power with wisdom and the power of the Holy Spirit is how we become powerful bows...and powerful dads. Children respect how powerful we are even more when they see that power submitted to God and shaped by bending to His influence and His will. It took me a long long time to learn that.
Divorced dads are no different. we are still dads. In fact it is a little tougher for us sometimes because, not seeing our children each day, we can sometimes slip into the habit of letting loose the string and straightening up instead of remaining bent before God. Bending in humility, bending in worship, bending in prayer for our little arrows. All are necessary and all need to be done daily...constantly. They are only in our quiver a short time and then that moment comes when God whispers in our ear..."there's the target...let her fly!
Bend a little more dads. That's where our real power is.
resuming this blog here. It's been hectic around here lately, starting a new job, finishing the Divorce book and starting a new book on my recent time living homeless.
I had a tremendous response to my advance copies and I am almost ready to launch the divorce book.
The title is, of course, "Sometimes Daddies Cry" and it is already effecting guys who have read it. The release should be sometime in January, which would allow me time to release the homeless book and do some press promo for it. Then I can focus on getting the word out about the divorce book. In the interim, I may sell it online. I'll let everyone know.
I was thinking this morning as I was walking. Thinking about a blog topic I wrote about several months ago called "Broken Arrows and Missed Targets". It's on my other blog (shinnyandshavings.blogspot). The essence is how dads are the bow that launches their arrows into the flight that will take them down their appointed path in life. David refers to children as arrows in a quiver. That makes me an archer. right? It also makes me the bow. I am here to know my little arrow as well as I possibly can, and when the time comes, launch her toward the exact target God has in mind for her...the target she was intended for before the world began.
It got me thinking about bows, and being a bow. Not a compound bow...which I shoot. But a straight bow like David would have shot, and like he had in mind when he wrote the verses describing children as arrows and by implication, dads as bows.
A straight bow is actually powerless when it is straight. It has potential energy when it is straight but it only gets it's real kinetic energy when you bend it, and connect one end with the other via the bowstring. Once the bow is bent, it has tremendous power to be drawn back and send an arrow on its' flight.
Bending is so essential for dads. We must bend in prayer for our little arrows all the time. We must bend in prayer when they see us and when we are alone with God. Only when we allow God to bend us and harness our power can we be ready to launch our arrows. That brings up point number 2...as a bow, we attain our maximum power only when we let God bend us and harness that power. A bow with no string is a stick...nothing more. The string restrains the ends and forces the straight bow into it's gentle arc where the power is. Surrendering to the bending and restraining our power with wisdom and the power of the Holy Spirit is how we become powerful bows...and powerful dads. Children respect how powerful we are even more when they see that power submitted to God and shaped by bending to His influence and His will. It took me a long long time to learn that.
Divorced dads are no different. we are still dads. In fact it is a little tougher for us sometimes because, not seeing our children each day, we can sometimes slip into the habit of letting loose the string and straightening up instead of remaining bent before God. Bending in humility, bending in worship, bending in prayer for our little arrows. All are necessary and all need to be done daily...constantly. They are only in our quiver a short time and then that moment comes when God whispers in our ear..."there's the target...let her fly!
Bend a little more dads. That's where our real power is.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Signs of Success
Greetings Dads...
Greetings from rainy St. Louis...
It's good to finally be writing on this blog again. My recent life journeys have caused me to spend most of my time writing on my other blog, but this one still remains my "baby" because of the topic. This is where my calling is and this one is where I find the kindest remarks and the most encouraging moments.
I've talked to a good deal of divorced dads in recent months. One of the common threads in the guys I've talked to is how divorce just plain makes us feel like we failed. We failed at life, we failed our family, we failed maybe the one woman who was going to love us for all our lives, (or so we hoped at least).
Well in the months that I have been walking down the road I am on, (you'll have to read the other blog to catch up) I have come to grasp some very vital things. I'll explain it all in a story.
Yesterday my daughter got her first cell phone. I wasn't too keen on the idea because cell companies tend to recycle the numbers and I have gotten more than one wrong number call me in the wee hours looking for the previous owner of the cell phone. I have worried about her getting wrong numbers from some wierdo. But she needs one now. Her mom has gone back to work and so has her moms husband. Obviously I don't live with her, so she needs a phone in case she gets sick at school or whatever.
Anyway, yesterday I was sitting in my training class here in St. Louis, and I start getting texts from her...only I didn't know it because I had left my phone in my room. At lunch I went to my room to grab my phone and I see three voice mails from a number I didn't recognize. Then I see that this same number had called me about 12 times. So I was nervous because I assumed it could only be bad news.
Then I checked my text messages...and Morgan had sent me three and a picture of herself. I was so happy just to hear from her I got tears in my eyes. So over then next two hours we texted back and forth surreptitiously, (I'm not supposed to use my cell in the training class) and over that time I got 53 texts from my little girl...and 26 of them said "I Love You daddy" or a variant thereof. Allow me to boast just a little when I tell you it made me feel like I had done a good job so far! I might have grounded into a lot of double plays in other areas of life, but when it comes to my daughter I am a home run hitter every time.
A child tells her parent she loves him (or her) only if they feel they are, in fact, loved by that parent, and only if they hear those words themselves from that parent.
Regardless of how else I may have struggled in life, my daughter knows how much I love her, she hears me say it frequently, and she is comfortable telling me the same.
That's what really matters in this world, in a lot of ways. With my love and my blessing, she will go very far. Most dads I know feel that way about their kids. Some may struggle to say it. The odd few just don't feel any connect with their kids...and sadly that's where the stereotype of a divorced man is often forged...but not the average guy. Dad's, if you've given your children the enormous gift of your open, spoken, and most of all displayed love for them, than you have done far more succeeding that failing. Let yourself up off the mat a little and realize that if your kids know you love them, and they are so confident in your love that they feel free to love you back...you have done the lion's share of the Daddy job. The blessing of the father is everything, as Ed Tandy McGlasson says. (You need to check out Big Ed's site at www.thedifferenceafathermakes.org Ed is an amazing teacher on this topic) You are still the daddy, and divorced or not, it is you who has the blessing to bestow. The biggest blessing is the unquestioned expression of your love for your kids.
Have a good day fellas.
Greetings from rainy St. Louis...
It's good to finally be writing on this blog again. My recent life journeys have caused me to spend most of my time writing on my other blog, but this one still remains my "baby" because of the topic. This is where my calling is and this one is where I find the kindest remarks and the most encouraging moments.
I've talked to a good deal of divorced dads in recent months. One of the common threads in the guys I've talked to is how divorce just plain makes us feel like we failed. We failed at life, we failed our family, we failed maybe the one woman who was going to love us for all our lives, (or so we hoped at least).
Well in the months that I have been walking down the road I am on, (you'll have to read the other blog to catch up) I have come to grasp some very vital things. I'll explain it all in a story.
Yesterday my daughter got her first cell phone. I wasn't too keen on the idea because cell companies tend to recycle the numbers and I have gotten more than one wrong number call me in the wee hours looking for the previous owner of the cell phone. I have worried about her getting wrong numbers from some wierdo. But she needs one now. Her mom has gone back to work and so has her moms husband. Obviously I don't live with her, so she needs a phone in case she gets sick at school or whatever.
Anyway, yesterday I was sitting in my training class here in St. Louis, and I start getting texts from her...only I didn't know it because I had left my phone in my room. At lunch I went to my room to grab my phone and I see three voice mails from a number I didn't recognize. Then I see that this same number had called me about 12 times. So I was nervous because I assumed it could only be bad news.
Then I checked my text messages...and Morgan had sent me three and a picture of herself. I was so happy just to hear from her I got tears in my eyes. So over then next two hours we texted back and forth surreptitiously, (I'm not supposed to use my cell in the training class) and over that time I got 53 texts from my little girl...and 26 of them said "I Love You daddy" or a variant thereof. Allow me to boast just a little when I tell you it made me feel like I had done a good job so far! I might have grounded into a lot of double plays in other areas of life, but when it comes to my daughter I am a home run hitter every time.
A child tells her parent she loves him (or her) only if they feel they are, in fact, loved by that parent, and only if they hear those words themselves from that parent.
Regardless of how else I may have struggled in life, my daughter knows how much I love her, she hears me say it frequently, and she is comfortable telling me the same.
That's what really matters in this world, in a lot of ways. With my love and my blessing, she will go very far. Most dads I know feel that way about their kids. Some may struggle to say it. The odd few just don't feel any connect with their kids...and sadly that's where the stereotype of a divorced man is often forged...but not the average guy. Dad's, if you've given your children the enormous gift of your open, spoken, and most of all displayed love for them, than you have done far more succeeding that failing. Let yourself up off the mat a little and realize that if your kids know you love them, and they are so confident in your love that they feel free to love you back...you have done the lion's share of the Daddy job. The blessing of the father is everything, as Ed Tandy McGlasson says. (You need to check out Big Ed's site at www.thedifferenceafathermakes.org Ed is an amazing teacher on this topic) You are still the daddy, and divorced or not, it is you who has the blessing to bestow. The biggest blessing is the unquestioned expression of your love for your kids.
Have a good day fellas.
Monday, November 10, 2008
I'l be back...
Never fear, faithful divroced dads...I haven't left. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I've had to focus on the other blog. But I am going to be making a concerted effort to pick this back up next week. Lots to tell...don't miss it.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
It's written all over your face...
I read a book about 15 years ago entitled "Tender Warrior", by Stu Weber.
There was a wonderful quote in this book and I wish I could remember it verbatim. The gist was "A father lends stability in a time of insanity, peace in a storm, comfort in the midst of sadness, and calm in the midst of chaos", or words to that effect.
With all that has happened in our life, and all that is happening in the world these days, my daughter is watching to see how I handle it. God's hierarchy is that I get filled from Him first and then His abundance of grace overflows from out of my life and spills over onto those around me, beginning with my family.
I have recently been learning the vital importance of spending substantial time in the presence of God asking for His filling, indwelling, grace, mercy, truth, and above all...wisdom. This is a crazy time and our lives have been greatly up heaved. Morgan needs to see her daddy calm and trusting in his Savior and Lord. If she sees me calm and enduring, she will feel secure and safe and she will trust in Him. I have to model that faith for her so that she will reproduce it in her own heart and be at peace. she is only 10, and I want her to be free to remain a ten year old and not have "grown=up" worries. I can only do this by preparing my heart by being filled to overflowing in the presence of Jesus.
Then...like Moses...the peace and strength of God will be "written all over my face"
There was a wonderful quote in this book and I wish I could remember it verbatim. The gist was "A father lends stability in a time of insanity, peace in a storm, comfort in the midst of sadness, and calm in the midst of chaos", or words to that effect.
With all that has happened in our life, and all that is happening in the world these days, my daughter is watching to see how I handle it. God's hierarchy is that I get filled from Him first and then His abundance of grace overflows from out of my life and spills over onto those around me, beginning with my family.
I have recently been learning the vital importance of spending substantial time in the presence of God asking for His filling, indwelling, grace, mercy, truth, and above all...wisdom. This is a crazy time and our lives have been greatly up heaved. Morgan needs to see her daddy calm and trusting in his Savior and Lord. If she sees me calm and enduring, she will feel secure and safe and she will trust in Him. I have to model that faith for her so that she will reproduce it in her own heart and be at peace. she is only 10, and I want her to be free to remain a ten year old and not have "grown=up" worries. I can only do this by preparing my heart by being filled to overflowing in the presence of Jesus.
Then...like Moses...the peace and strength of God will be "written all over my face"
Thursday, October 9, 2008
I will never leave you nor forsake you...
Just got off the phone with Morgan a few minutes ago. Because of some odd scheduling issues and other stuff, I've not been able to see for her a while. This past phone conversation was a revelation to me because she was telling me something, but not directly.
She told me about her friend Tara who's daddy passed away 3 years ago. Tara's mom is now on an oxygen tank. I don't know what the ailment is, but Morgan is worried because I think she is concerned her friend might become an orphan.
Then she told me about a friend of her mom's husband who committed suicide this morning. He had a struggling business and the money problems and problems on the home front pushed him over his limit. He left behind two young boys, about my daughters age.
I fear we are going to be seeing a lot more stories like this in coming days. It's getting really bad out there, and not everyone has a basis for their hope. I have my Faith, but to be honest, it isn't always enough. Let me rephrase that...my Faith is more than enough, but I don't always let it take it's proper place in my life and therefore I restrict it being enough.
I have been where that guy was, just maybe not quite that desperate. But I have thought about the value of my own life and wouldn't it be easier if I just wasn't here? Honestly, who amongst us hasn't been there at least once? I'm not saying I actually considered suicide, but I've thought about how much better it would be to not be in so much pain inside. I've seen those news reports where some poor guy, usually described as an "estranged husband" takes a gun, kills his kids, his ex, and then turns the gun on himself. I can say honestly, I know how that kind of pain feels. I can also say that without some sort of base for sanity, like my Faith in Christ, I'd be that guy. Divorce can hurt so much that the wound feels like it won't ever close, and over time, that can rid a person of all hope. I spent time reassuring my daughter tonight, that her mom and dad won't ever do that to her...at least not willingly. I have dropped 26 pounds, Holly has always been very health conscious, and we are determined to stick around for Morgan for a very long time. Tonight, having not seen her daddy for a while, and having heard stories of abandonment in it's very worst form, she needed to hear my voice, and to hear me tell her that I won't ever take that path. I am doing what I must to remain in her life and be her dad...as God intended. I may not do everything the way I should...but I won't quit on her, no matter how tough things get. She has my word on it.
Sometimes we get there in our spiritual lives as well. We think our heavenly Father has left us on our own. He hasn't, of course, and He hasn't even done anything to intimate that He has abandoned us. But we see our situations and we think that what we see is what is. The fact is His word says "I will never leave you or forsake you". Just like my daughter...we have His word on it.
She told me about her friend Tara who's daddy passed away 3 years ago. Tara's mom is now on an oxygen tank. I don't know what the ailment is, but Morgan is worried because I think she is concerned her friend might become an orphan.
Then she told me about a friend of her mom's husband who committed suicide this morning. He had a struggling business and the money problems and problems on the home front pushed him over his limit. He left behind two young boys, about my daughters age.
I fear we are going to be seeing a lot more stories like this in coming days. It's getting really bad out there, and not everyone has a basis for their hope. I have my Faith, but to be honest, it isn't always enough. Let me rephrase that...my Faith is more than enough, but I don't always let it take it's proper place in my life and therefore I restrict it being enough.
I have been where that guy was, just maybe not quite that desperate. But I have thought about the value of my own life and wouldn't it be easier if I just wasn't here? Honestly, who amongst us hasn't been there at least once? I'm not saying I actually considered suicide, but I've thought about how much better it would be to not be in so much pain inside. I've seen those news reports where some poor guy, usually described as an "estranged husband" takes a gun, kills his kids, his ex, and then turns the gun on himself. I can say honestly, I know how that kind of pain feels. I can also say that without some sort of base for sanity, like my Faith in Christ, I'd be that guy. Divorce can hurt so much that the wound feels like it won't ever close, and over time, that can rid a person of all hope. I spent time reassuring my daughter tonight, that her mom and dad won't ever do that to her...at least not willingly. I have dropped 26 pounds, Holly has always been very health conscious, and we are determined to stick around for Morgan for a very long time. Tonight, having not seen her daddy for a while, and having heard stories of abandonment in it's very worst form, she needed to hear my voice, and to hear me tell her that I won't ever take that path. I am doing what I must to remain in her life and be her dad...as God intended. I may not do everything the way I should...but I won't quit on her, no matter how tough things get. She has my word on it.
Sometimes we get there in our spiritual lives as well. We think our heavenly Father has left us on our own. He hasn't, of course, and He hasn't even done anything to intimate that He has abandoned us. But we see our situations and we think that what we see is what is. The fact is His word says "I will never leave you or forsake you". Just like my daughter...we have His word on it.
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